Monday, September 15, 2008

True confessions

1. I like BIG towels (and I cannot lie). I am also having a love affair with long socks which I never get to wear because I do not have the right clothes or shoes with which to wear them (and nobody here wears long socks which may have something to do with the fact that it's still consistently 95 degrees outside every single day and who knew it would happen but I'm missing fall and cool weather).

2. We tried making brownies last night substituting a mix of mayo and flaxseed and water for the eggs. It was a disaster. May you never witness a pan of brownies in the oven with a quarter inch of oil bubbling on top of them.

3. I often wish my personality was not my own. I become envious of other peoples' personalities. Especially those of my favorite bloggers. I read their blogs, wishing I could be them. And then I realize that it's not so much that their personalities are any better than mine, or their lives, as it is that they have a talent for writing about their lives in ways that make me laugh and cry and wish I were them. But really, I'm happy I'm me.

4. I hate fingernail polish. It chips! It always, always chips. Which looks horrible. And then I pick it all off the finger which got chipped. And then I have to make the other fingers match. Of course, I never have fingernail polish remover, so it becomes a long tedious process of chipping off the polish with my other nails. A-hah, you say, there is a solution! Simply buy fingernail polish remover and remove the polish before it chips! However, my friends, the manner in which I live my life creates a mysterious physical phenomenon wherein my fingernail polish, on the rare occasions I try it, chips within 10 minutes of it drying. So my nails are constantly a lovely au naturale color.

5. I bought an electric toothbrush. It recharges itself wirelessly (by which I mean there are no contact points between the toothbrush bottom and the charging base). This is a pretty cool thing which Tessla (played by David Bowie in The Prestige, which I honestly thought was a better movie than The Illusionist even though it disturbed me) experimented with.

6. Seeing my husband clean the house is not a turn-on for me. However, spying on him via the baby monitor and listening as he reads our son stories makes me feel incredibly romantic and tender-hearted. This is usually disrupted by the child's screaming as soon as he is put in his crib to sleep, which is a crying shame.

7. I adore kissing my baby's cheeks. They are round and pudgy and it makes him smile when I kiss them. Also, he has entered the realm of tubby baby thighs, which are incredibly cute, and don't touch the floor when he's lying on his back. I probably kiss the kid at least 100x every day. This is why I've caught his cold from him. That, and he likes to sneeze and cough on my face while I'm holding him.

8. I don't really like taking showers. Baths, on the other hand, are lovely. I sometimes sit and daydream about the perfect bathtub which I will someday have in my perfect house which will be located somewhere with moisture in the air. I'll take 80% humidity over this dry heat any day, as long as there's a mild winter.

9. I can survive hard days. This has been hard to convince myself of, but I'm going to prove it to myself once and for all today, as husband is at work, baby and I both have colds, Mother Nature is visiting in all her wrathful hormonal glory, the helpful in-laws are out of town for the week, and the thumb on my prominent hand is incapacitated and can't get wet (try explaining that to the drooly 5-month old who's favorite thing currently seems to be biting down hard on my thumbs whenever they're anywhere close to his mouth).

10. I now can brag of two somewhat deformed thumbs, due to the fact that both hammers and eggplants can be slippery. My left thumb has a nice linear scar and is slightly flatter than it used to be due to my whacking it hard with a hammer a few years ago during sculpture class. My right thumb is currently sporting the nickname "Mummy thumb" (which has less to do with my status as a mother and more to do with the 1/2" of gauze wrapped around it). You see, the eggplant for the ratatouille on Saturday night had a thick slippery skin, and it was too fat for the mandoline, which was a cheap slicing instrument of death purchased from Walmart a couple years ago. Things got ugly when the eggplant slipped and my thumb got a chunk sliced off. Then we got acquainted with our local Urgent Care clinic for three hours sans diaper bag (thank goodness the husband was home and could take care of both me and the child) for a 5 minute treatment involving a gel thing to stop the bleeding and a piece of foam and endless amounts of gauze and an injunction to not get it wet and follow up with your nonexistent primary care practitioner in three days and how can you not remember when your last tetanus shot was and please take these antibiotics twice a day. According to the doctor, I might have a slight divet in my thumb there once it's healed over, but who knows, perhaps it will eventually all fill back in, and nobody would ever notice the difference anyway. I am slightly proud of my dual deformed thumbs though, despite the fact that neither of them are as awesome as my spoon-shaped scar on my pinkie finger.

1 comment:

Marci said...

So sorry to hear about your thumbs and your cold! I too spend my time feeling envious of those who write well on their blogs. I guess we all have our individual gifts; now if I could just figure out what mine are... :)