Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The bob of the devil; or, the bob of my youth

Re: The Last Post: I got over it by the next day. Just hormones.

So, I got my hair cut this morning by a lady named Paula. She's a friend of my mother-in-law. She does haircuts for relatively cheap. I've been sick of my hair lately. So, my mother-in-law took me out and treated me to a haircut.

Important notes: My mother also has a friend named Paula, who cuts hair in Utah, for relatively cheap. She cut my hair between the ages of approximately eleven and eighteen. I never really had firm desires about what I wanted my hair to be, so she always gave me approximately the same haircut, because she and my mother both thought it would just be oh-so-cute on me. The haircut is a bob. Chin-length. Pretty much no layers because, me, I don't do that hairstyling thing, and for some reason most people seem to think that that means that I have no chance of pulling off a layered haircut. Once I was about seventeen or eighteen I decided that I really didn't like the bob, and was sick and tired of it, and I grew my hair out. I let it grow, and grow, and grow, and grow for the next several years, and never went to get it cut or trimmed or anything really. And I met Dusey, and I had long, long straight blonde hair (it wasn't *that* long really, but it did go a good ways down my back, though not halfway or anything close to that long). And he liked my hair. And after somewhere between two and three years of no haircuts of any sort, I got sick of my hair again. So, about two days before Dusey left on his mission, I went and got it all chopped off, very short, kind of Meg Ryan-ish when she had very short hair. And I loved it. I've let it grow out, and then have gone and gotten it chopped off all short again, fairly regularly since then. I've had a variety of different hairstyles. But I have never gone back to the bob.

Today, I once again didn't have anything specific in mind about what I wanted. I almost never do when I go to get my hair cut. So we went to see Paula, and she started talking about this bob that would be just so cute on me, absolutely adorable, and would be the perfect thing for wash-and-wear hair. And I was dubious, because it sounded suspiciously similar to the bob of my youth. But then she showed me some pictures in some magazines of some girls whose hair was cute and rockin' and looked really good (though it kind of looked like they had some layering, but Paula said no, no layering other than a tiny bit for some movement, because layering requires styling and I'd told her I don't do styling). So, I let her do what she wanted. And lo and behold, this new Paula, in this new state, who to the best of my knowledge has never met the other Paula, cut my hair, and I ended up with almost exactly the same bob that I had for those seven or so years of my life before. The bob I swore I'd never get again. Except a little shorter in the back, and with no bangs. And I didn't have time to sit and ponder the cut for long while we were there, my mother-in-law had somewhere to be, and it always takes me awhile to contemplate a new haircut. So we thanked her, and paid her, and left.

Dusey never saw me with the bob cut when I was younger. He says it looks cute.

My mother-in-law says it's adorable.

But I'm looking at it now, and it reminds me of that haircut that I had for such a long time. And it reminds me of being twelve and thinking my hair was cute. And then being seventeen with the same haircut still and being sick of it and realizing that it made me look quite a bit younger than I was. And of getting ready to go to the Prom and not being able to do the classic upstyle fancy-dance hairstyle that all the girls did, and being so sad about my hair that night, even though my sister did her best to do something cute with it, and my date said it looked nice. And I remember my vow to never return to the land of the chin-length bob, and I look at my hair with its new chin-length bob, and with all these memories from when I was younger and had about this same haircut, it makes me want to cry. And for today, I don't like it, and maybe tomorrow or the day after I'll get over it and I'll realize it is a cute cut and stuff. It generally takes me several days of any new haircut before I like it at all. But for today, I think I am going to indulge myself and fantasize about going and getting something truly wild and crazy and different and fun and funky and cute done to it after my child is born.

Update on The Pregnancy: I think I've felt a couple of Braxton-Hicks contractions. They're weird. All tight and hard and full of pressure, like the baby turned into a giant balloon inside my belly, but no pain, like what apparently comes with actual labor contractions.

Update on life in general: Looking at houses and thinking about having our own is fun. I am thinking maybe we should just rent one though. Also, I need to get a library card. Also, I'm going to my first-ever Pampered Chef party tomorrow. Also, I will probably post soon about Easter.

Friday, February 22, 2008

You can tell I'm crazy from the lack of paragraph breaks.

I am feeling like a wussy lazy loser today. I don't do anything. I don't want to do anything. Doing stuff makes me hurt, and I like to avoid hurting, so I end up spending the majority of my day every day in my pajamas, either in bed or in one of our comfy chairs, with the laptop, doing nothing. I am not sucking it up and doing stuff despite the (really quite mild) pain. I am not suffering in stoic silence. I complain a lot. I am sore even when I haven't done anything other than wake up. I am lounging and lazing about while my poor husband works two jobs, and then I complain about how I did half the dishes and am horribly sore and can't make dinner as a result once he gets home. I am feeling very little motivation to change my ways. Perhaps the biggest motivator is that I am bored. I am bored crazy of not doing anything. I am tired of waiting, of being nothing but a baby incubator. Two months left seems like forever. It is 9:30 in the morning and I am already bored of my day. I still need to do the other half of the dishes, and ought to do another load of laundry, and go on a walk, since those are my three goals every day (1 load of laundry, a sink full of dishes, and a 10 minute walk). But as nice as it is to know I got my goals done, they really aren't enjoyable to do, and once I've done them, I am tired and worn out and in pain again and retreat back to my lazy lounging self. Sometimes my hormones get the better of me and I cry. Most of the time I just complain. I love my baby, but I am tired of being pregnant. I want to get my hair cut and dyed. I want to wear cute clothes that fit well and are comfortable that make me look cute, rather than just pregnant. I want to be able to do physical activity of any sort for more than forty minutes without being utterly exhausted. I want my hormones to return to a state of semi-normalcy. While we're at it, listing the things I want, I also want my husband to not have to work two jobs anymore. I want to have him at home with me for more of the day. I want to figure out whether or not we are in fact going to be moving in the next several months. I want to not be stuck in this state of total life-limbo anymore. I am doing nothing but waiting. Waiting for the work promotion to go through, waiting to find out about moving or not, waiting for baby to get here. I am tired of waiting. I am upset with myself and my lack of motivation, my utter unproductivity. I am mad at myself for not taking my vitamins hardly ever because somehow I never remember to take them and I can only hope my baby has been sucking enough nutrients from my semi-balanced diet to be healthy anyway. I kind of wish I could go and live with my parents again for awhile, and have my mommy take care of me and make me eat healthy stuff and remind me to take my vitamins and make me get out of the house and do stuff with her. She's good at that. Maybe I am depressed again. Maybe it's just weird hormones, there's plenty of other indications that my hormones are all crazy right now trying to get ready for baby. Recently, they have caused heartburn (for the first time in my life), and leaky breasts (also for the first time in my life). With weirdness like that going down, who knows what they're doing to my emotional state. But maybe feeling like this isn't normal. I'd rather it be normal though. I don't want to think about depression right now, I want to say everything is a normal result of pregnancy. And maybe it is. I don't know. I've never been through this before. I'm ready for it to be over. I want my child, to soothe and shush and talk to and play with and feed and change his diapers. I want the source of my frustrations to be no sleep and no time to myself, rather than too much lounging and way too much time to myself. I miss Mike. I saw him for approximately two minutes this morning between me waking up and him leaving for work, and I'm not going to see him again until 8:30 tonight most likely, and then tomorrow he'll be gone again from 8:30 until 6:30 and I get really lonely during the day, but I don't want to go hang out with any of our friends, or with his family, because it just reminds me that he's not there with me, and I miss him. And I am such a wuss, the pregnancy has really been quite easy overall compared to a lot of other people's pregnancies, and I see my husband a lot more than a lot of other wives do, and I get to stay home all day and I live a life of comparative luxury despite our yearly earnings being well below poverty level currently. And yet, despite all this relative ease and comfort, I sit on my butt all day, lazy and unmotivated, and I hardly get anything done. And there are two whole months left of being pregnant ahead of me, and I think I am going to go insane.

(Honestly, it's not too bad, and I am cheerful and silly and content most of the time, even if I am aware that I am being lazy and ought to be trying to do stuff. I'm just full of doom and gloom this morning. Perhaps it will wear off by tomorrow.)

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Sickly in love

It breaks my heart whenever Dusey gets a cold. He sounds so utterly miserable, coughing and sneezing and sniffling, and he doesn't sleep very well when he's sick, and I want to just bundle him into the bed and bring him soup and make him sleep and go to the store and get him some medicine that will magically make him feel better. Instead, he gets up and gets dressed and goes to work, often without any medicine because we're usually out because I never remember to buy any until we're sick again and then it gets all used up in a single bout of illness. And I, meanwhile, am generally also sick, and totally wussy, and stay home curled up in a blanket feeling miserable all day and refusing to take anything because I don't much like taking medicine. Anyway, I really need to go to the store today and get some medicine for Dusey to take so he won't be so utterly miserable after he gets home from work today. It's probably a good thing that he gets up and goes and does stuff even when he's sick, because he doesn't much like sitting around not doing anything.

We had a lovely Valentine's Day. Dusey got home from work with some roses and chocolates for me (yay!) to find me frantically trying to finish dinner because making dessert had ended up taking me about two hours longer than I thought it was going to. Finally I finished up and lit the candles on the table and presented him with a meal of spaghetti and meatballs (because I was thinking about Lady and the Tramp), and olive-cheese bread (delicious), and Strawberry Breeze juice, with my first ever attempt at eclairs for dessert (heart shaped chocolate eclairs that I completely messed up on the dough for so they ended up not at all puffy, but they still taste good, probably because they're chocolate, and filled with chocolate whipped cream, with a bittersweet chocolate glaze on top). He also opened up the card I painted for him. Not my best work of art, but it took me a long time and I'm proud of it even if it doesn't really look that cool.

After dinner was finished, we decided to leave the dishes be in the sink (they're still there, I need to wash them today). We watched an episode of Pushing Daisies that we hadn't seen yet, fetched the Valentine's Day treats from his parents off of our doorstep, drank some of the Martinelli's they gave us, and went to bed. It was a very nice relaxing evening, once I got dinner done. :) No crowds, no lines, just the two of us. I think I strained a muscle in the arch of my foot when I was on my feet for five hours trying to get the food all ready to go, and I ended up being entirely too sore and worn out (partially due to the cold, I'm sure) yesterday to do anything at all. The nice evening we had was worth it though. And we ended up with loads of leftovers, so I haven't had to cook anything since, which has been lovely.

Time for a little meme-thing about my hubby, hooray! For no other reason than that I feel like it.

1. What is his name? On my blog and most places online it's Dusey.
2. How long have you been together? Creeping up on two years of marriage, and about four years of dating before that.
3.Who eats more? Dusey does.
4. Who said I love you first? He did, and it surprised me, and I didn't know what to say, and he had to wait a couple of days for me to sort myself out and realize I loved him back and get up the guts to tell him so.
5. Who is taller? He is, by about five inches.
6. Who sings better? I think it's a toss-up. I haven't been singing much lately though, as baby has been compressing my ability to expand my rib cage and I've been getting lightheaded when I try to sing, so I just haven't been singing much.
7. Who is smarter? I think he is.
8. Who does the laundry? I'm supposed to, but he often ends up doing a load of his clothes because I'm not very good at regular laundering yet.
9. Who does the dishes? Again, I'm supposed to, but he often is nice and helps out because he gets sick of all the dishes in the sink.
10. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? How do you define which side of the bed is the right side? Is it the side on the right if you're looking at it from the foot of the bed? Is it the side on the right if you're laying on your back in the bed? Is it the side that's better than the other sides? I'm going to say I do, but it really all depends on your definitions.
11. Who pays the bills? He does.
12. Who mows the lawn? We have no lawn to mow! I take care of our little patio garden, but he's the one that usually ends up sweeping the patio.
13. Who cooks dinner? I usually do, but he sometimes does. He's a great cook, he just doesn't have a lot of time to make anything, and doesn't like picking out recipes and getting all the ingredients like I do, thus why I usually do the cooking. Though he often ends up helping me chop and mix stuff because I'm often running late on getting the food to the table.
14. Who drives when you are together? Usually he does.
15. Who is more stubborn? I think I am.
16. Who is the first to admit when they're wrong? Generally only one of us is wrong at any given time, so it's whoever the wrong person is. :)
17. Whose parents do you see the most? It used to be mine, until we moved to AZ, and now it's his, and will probably remain so until some point in the future when we move away.
18. Who kissed whom first? He kissed me first. On the cheek. While we were watching shooting stars. Soooo cute.
19. Who proposed? He did, but not without me getting pretty antsy and impatient.
20. Who is more sensitive? Definitely me. I blame it on hormones.
21. Who has more friends? He does. He's much more outgoing than I am.
22. Who has more siblings? I do. I don't think number of siblings has much to do with anything relating to our relationship though.
23. Who wears the pants in the family? We both wear pants, thanks. He's the income-earner though, and I do sometimes wear skirts and dresses, so I suppose you could say he wears the pants, but neither of us is really the other's boss (which was a silly yet interesting discussion we had last night after hearing Sayid on Lost say that everybody has a boss).

I like the music from Donkey Kong Country. I got the soundtrack on my computer, and am quite enjoying listening to it. Thus concludes your random tidbit for this blog post.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Can't move

I am so sore today. I knew it was coming, I caught glimpses of it yesterday, peeking around corners at me, and today it has caught up. I think I will definitely be taking a nice warm bath today to see if it will help my muscles remember that they are not supposed to ache and burn like this, but are supposed to happily support both me and baby guy without complaint. They've been complaining a lot lately about baby guy's extra weight, but they're just going to have to get used to him, because he's not going anywhere soon.

The reason for today's soreness stems from our choice of activities on Saturday. You see, we went to the Arizona Renaissance Festival. It's supposedly the biggest ren faire in the West, and I believe it. 30 acres of land spread with stages and vendor booths and buildings and a jousting arena and some lovely little patches of shaded grass to sit on. It was opening day, rather crowded, and absolutely gorgeous weather (mid 70's, sunny, no cold wind). We put on sunscreen and used our opening weekend 2-for-1 coupon and had an absolutely wonderful day. I'd never been to a ren faire before, really (I don't think the tiny one in Orem really quite counts), and had lots of fun just looking at everything and seeing all the people in costume, and being called m'lady, and wandering around to see absolutely every last thing there was to see.

We arrived there at about 10:30 and left at 5:30 with a break in the middle on a bench in the parking area for lunch (we brought apples and pears and sourdough bread and strawberry jam and summer sausage and extra sharp cheddar cheese and water and it was delicious and perfect). I walked more in those seven hours than I have, I think, since before I got pregnant. Also, I carried my purse myself the entire time. It is a fact that I have too much stuff in my purse, and that generally I end up handing it off to Dusey to carry for me when we're out for several hours, but I decided I could carry it myself all day on Saturday, and I did. My shoulders may not be thanking me now, but it is good practice for once I start lugging around a baby all day every day.

We did lots of fun stuff while we were there. We browsed through many of the vendor shops. I tried on a very cute all-leather handmade red hat (which I'm sure was way out of any price range we may ever have for hat buying, but it fit! and it was adorable! so Dusey took a picture of me in it and we left the store without it). We watched a band made up of some bagpipes, a couple of drummers, and possibly another instrument, who made quite lovely music (not at all Scottish, they were calling themselves a rock band). We listened to a harpist, and to a group of three lively drummers, and to a bull-whip master (very briefly for that last one). We watched jesters and the jousting show. We ate giant roasted turkey legs, and shared an extremely overly salted pretzel. We listened to the master of spoonerisms tell the tales of Parunzel, as well as Rittle Led Hiding Rood. I purchased a canvas parasol (which can be used in the rain, though it was never specified if it would, in fact, keep one who used it in the rain from getting wet). There was one thing we did while there that trumps everything else by far. Something I never expected would happen in my life, something I never thought I'd be able to tell stories of.

We rode elephants.

Yes, elephants.

They had three African elephants there in a small pen. Rides were $4 for somewhere between 3 and 5 minutes on one of the elephants as it walked around its pen. Part of the proceeds supposedly went to helping elephants in Africa. Three people could ride at once, so Dusey and I split up, and I rode with a mom and her daughter while he took pictures of me, and then he rode with two teenage girls while I took pictures of him. It was our favorite thing of the whole day. The elephants had a tarp-ish looking thing with a rail that wrapped around three sides of the sitting area sticking out if it, thrown over their backs and strapped under their bellies. Both of us ended up sitting at the back. As the elephant walked, I could feel its back muscles moving beneath me. The whole thing made me positively giddy for ages afterward.

My other favorite thing about the day was that I got to spend the whole day, an entire Saturday, with Dusey. True, he had to rearrange his work schedule and will be working almost all day on Valentine's Day, but I think it was completely worth it. I had forgotten how much fun it is to get to spend an entire weekend with my husband without him having to work.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Drizzly, gray, and happy day

I'm feeling much better today. Dusey figured out when he got home from work on Saturday that I had, in fact, managed to take the parking brake off in the truck (the light just hadn't gone off), but it still felt funny to drive because it was in 4-wheel drive (I knew there was something else turned on, but didn't know what or how to turn it off). I didn't end up going shopping, and am still debating whether or not to go shopping today, as it is very rainy outside and I rather like the idea of staying in all day, wrapped up in my bathrobe, and reading a book.

Primary yesterday went pretty well. It was my turn to teach again, and I was pleasantly surprised to find out that several of our 7-year-olds do in fact know the song "I Am Like a Star" which was my absolutely favorite Primary song when I was in Primary (I was skeptical whether they'd know it, as none of them knew "Give Said the Little Stream"). After church, we listened to more Harry Potter (we're finally about a third of the way through Book 7, in case I haven't already mentioned that). And then we went and ate a yummy dinner with Dusey's parents (not having to cook on Sundays is quite nice sometimes), and then we went to an anti-SuperBowl party at a friend's house where we got to play RockBand and Taboo, all of which was quite fun, although little baby guy decided to make it absolutely impossible for me to get comfortable all day yesterday. He's finally rolled over or something today so I can sit without him pushing my tummy muscles out all weird on my left side.

I'm quite excited today, because there was another Bloggy Giveaways carnival, and I won a copy of Aladdin from Footprints On the Moon. I haven't gotten to watch Aladdin in years, so I'm looking forward to seeing it again (and getting to sing along with all the songs). I'm also excited because it will be the first Disney movie I actually own (not counting Miyazaki movies). And I'm excited because Dusey will watch it with me, because it's one of the few Disney movies he likes. And I'm going to make popcorn in our popcorn popper when we watch it, which I haven't done in ages. And I should stop starting my sentences with and.

Other happy things today--

I used my shea butter lotion after my bath, which I adore the scent of.

It is raining. Any precipitation here is pretty exciting. If only I could plant a garden again this year and take advantage of it, my hypothetical plants would be so happy today.

Dusey finds out this evening if he will be getting a promotion at work or not. His chances are pretty good.

If he does get the promotion, we might be able to move into an actual real house, if we can find one that's for sale by a bank (and therefore selling for much less than it might otherwise, which might make the mortgage payments within our extremely limited financial reach). If we moved into a house, I could paint the walls, and plant things in the yard...I'm full of daydreams about home-ownership today.

I am craving chicken today instead of a dessert. This is a definite step forward, which my bottom will thank me for if I can keep managing to not crave (and cave into the cravings for) desserts.

I have decided to clean out my craft room and get rid of all the "supplies" (read: scraps of fabric and yarn that other people didn't want and gave to me and honestly are not worth the trouble of trying to figure out anything to do with because they're low-quality and in small amounts and are taking up valuable space) that I have been hoarding for the last couple of years that I am not likely to ever do anything with. I think this will make it much more likely for me to be motivated to work on the remaining craft projects, as well as opening up space for baby stuff (or in the event we move to someplace smaller which is very likely, I will be able to fit the remaining craft stuff in our home without putting it all in storage).

On the pregnancy front (which I'm sure you're all just fabulously interested in, especially after all my recent complainings), I realized this morning that human babies really take quite awhile to incubate. People didn't ever seem to be pregnant for very long to me, before I got pregnant myself. Now I'm realizing that it takes 3/4 of a year, which is really quite a long while. I've only got 12 weeks left, which doesn't sound too long, unless I think of it as having 84 days left in which case it sounds like forever. At least the end is in sight though. One of our friends last night asked me when my due date was, so I told him April 28. One of our other friends, who was quite out of it and not really paying attention, then asked, "Of what year?" Thank goodness it's this one, and that I don't have the gestation length of an elephant! People ask me if I'm getting really excited yet, and usually I don't feel like I'm nearly as excited about the whole thing as the people asking me are. But today, thinking about it, I am definitely looking forward to having a baby, and going on walks with him, and showing him all sorts of stuff that I think is neat, and taking him to the beach and carrying him into the water (I love the ocean). I know there will be a lot of hard stuff too about being a mom, and lots of "oh, gross!" moments, and lots of "hooray for just surviving the day" days, but I am excited to get to know and play with and take care of my little baby guy. If I can just stop pining for it to be May already and suck it up and deal with the next 12 weeks. :)

/me has "A Whole New World" with accompaniments by Chewbacca stuck in her head

Saturday, February 02, 2008

I am a quivering puddle of hormones at the moment. I am afraid to try to do the dishes, because with my current crying and frustration, I am afraid I might give in to the urge to smash a couple of them.

What, you may ask, has reduced me to this pitiful state?

I can't get the freaking parking brake off in our truck. I obviously can't drive anywhere with it on, it happens to be the type of parking brake that actually works, really well, at keeping the truck from moving. So, after hours spent pouring over recipes and planning out menus for the week and compiling a grocery list, I am rendered utterly incapable of going grocery shopping before Dusey gets home with the car, at which point we will both be hungry and in need of dinner and he won't want to go shopping with me and I haven't gotten to see him at all today so I don't want to go shopping after he's home, but I need food so I can make something for the get-together we're going to tomorrow with some friends. I looked up how to release the brake in the manual, tried its instructions, and they didn't work. I messaged Dusey about how to do it, and he gave me brief instructions, which I tried, and couldn't get to work. I refuse to humiliate myself by calling my father-in-law to come take off the stupid parking brake for me. It's not something that should be hard to do. I can't do it though.

So, I'm a quivering puddle of hormones once again. I'm starting to get a little sick of collapsing into angry tears once every couple of days. Maybe I will make myself feel better once again by making some incredibly sugary and unhealthy dessert that would inevitably just make my pants fit a little tighter than they ought to.

Friday, February 01, 2008

somewhat coherent scramble

The sink is still in pieces.

The other sink (and the counters) are full of dishes.

My morning sickness seems to kick in again any time I'm ill in any other way. Like currently, with allergies. According to the allergist I saw a couple years ago, I shouldn't be suffering from horrible allergies right now, because the only plant I'm supposedly allergic to is mesquite. I don't believe him anymore. I am convinced I am secretly allergic to either juniper or cedar or both (highly suspicious that I'm allergic to juniper, have suspected it since I was a teenager). Head is all stuffy and thinking is kinda hard and my head is tired which makes the rest of me not do anything either. Lots of dreams lately. I need a haircut, I keep dreaming about my hair.

Poor Dusey. Our house is suffering from neglect 'cause I don't feel good at all, and he does not like it. I don't like it either, but...well, I really ought to just take care of it. Haven't yet though. Should if only for his sake though.

Going to watch Lost tonight. Should be good.

Finally listening to Book 7 of Harry Potter. Hopefully, within a few weeks, we will finally be done and not have to worry about spoilers anymore ever again. Glad there's finally some successful romance occurring in the story.

Time, I think, to take a bath. Need some relaxing, head clearing bath salts. Ran out of them awhile ago. Coconut bubble bath, while it smells great, does not have the same effect. Wish we had a bigger bathtub, with room to stretch out, and submerge my belly completely in water. Maybe it'll be warm enough to go swimming again soon. Would need a maternity swimsuit though, not sure if I want to invest in one or not. Not warm enough yet, the pool is undoubtedly still frigid.

Wish it was summer already so I could go to the beach with my baby. Really looking forward to that. Will probably need a new swimsuit for me, as well as needing to get one for him. Would like a nice Land's End suit or something, but they're pricey. Cute and durable though.

Might be moving in the next couple months. Slightly stressed about it. May not even happen, who knows, don't know where we'd move to. Wanted to get job situations figured out before thinking about moving. May have to do it the other way around. Wouldn't work as well.

Doctor's appointment again this next week, finally, haven't had one since Dec. 26th. Want to make sure everything's still going well. Prone to nervousness. And not using pronouns. Oh well.

Rennaisance Festival next weekend, will be my first ever time attending one, should be fun.