I am depressed. Again/still/whatever. I am starting to think that I should perhaps just maybe look into going back on some medication for it. Just starting to think about it, haven't made any firm decisions yet. I haven't ever tried a therapist, it's possible I should try one, but I do not think our current insurance would cover it at all, and we certainly don't have the funds for me to just pop into some therapists office just because it might work. I am going to wait a few more weeks and see how I do emotionally, and if I'm still consistantly feeling like crying for a short while on an almost daily basis, then I guess I'd better go to the doctors and see about what to do about it this time around. Part of it is indubitably because I am not getting any sunshine because, well, it's just completely too hot to go outside. A one minute walk from the house to the car, or the car to the store, makes me feel physically ill, it is so hot. No sunshine makes for a somewhat sad Kirsa. Part of it is indubitably stress-related. There's a lot of stuff I've been worrying about lately, and having lots of stuff that I'm worried about tends to make me think not-so-great thoughts about myself and my abilities and capabilities in ways that I probably oughtn't. Maybe it's just been a bad couple of weeks.
I had a fun time yesterday and today, going shopping with my mother-in-law. Yesterday, we went to Savers (a thrift store), where I got a couple very cheap swimsuits, and she bought me some old pillowcases and a shower curtain, all of which I am cutting up and re-sewing into adorable tops (tunic jumper things to wear over a t-shirt and jeans). I am making up patterns, and just started on the first one, and it has a few problems, but I think it will still turn out cute. I fell in love today with french-felled seams, they are fabulous and I will be using them a lot more from now on. I have yet to figure out how to hem stretch-knits without stretching them so that the hem ends up longer than the rest of the fabric panel. Today, we went to the KneeShorts store here in Mesa (I know there's several of these in Utah, I'd never been to one before but I often saw their ads around up there, and saw two of the stores I think). Mike came along, too. She got us each a pair of board shorts that we can wear as normal shorts or for swimming, which should be perfect for any hikes we may do in Kauai that end at a waterfall to be swum in. Then we went over to Walmart, and she got me two pairs of cute capris and a t-shirt. Capris or shorts are a necessity here, and can be worn all year round. Previously, I had one pair of cute (though white, so couldn't wear them very often due to worry about staining them on dirty seats or whatever) capris, and two ugly pairs of capris that I almost never wear. Now I have three pairs of capris and a pair of shorts. I am excited that I no longer have to wear pants all the time.
So, shopping was fun. And making my shirt things is fun. And I got a Cosco card today from Mike's parents, and am really looking forward to being able to do some cheap bulk shopping. And we went out to dinner with Mike's parents, and watched a movie at their house with them tonight, and that was pretty fun too. Except I really really didn't like the movie (Premonition). The style felt like that of a horror movie to me, and it creeped me out the whole movie. I kept expecting gross things like from The Ring or Sixth Sense to pop up or around corners or behind shower curtains. Just because nothing really did, did not make it any less creepy. I don't like creepy movies. Geh. But the rest of the day was fun.
This is one of the dilemmas of depression. There are days that are mostly fine. Then there's a short moment, maybe an hour or two during the day, when I am inexplicably depressed. This makes me second-guess myself about whether this is really depression again, or just some little bad bits. But it's been happening often enough lately that I really am starting to suspect that I really truly am depressed again.
On a completely different note, I need to get my oldest sister to teach me how to make cakes. She makes freaking amazing cakes. Seriously. She made a cake for her son's ninth birthday, where he and his friends watched The Princess Bride. So, for the cake, she made the boat that Wesley follows Buttercup and her captors in. Fully 3-D, standing up, mast and sail and all, with the outer hull looking amazingly like wood planks, with veins and knots and nail holes. And, at the wheel was none other than the Dread Pirate Roberts himself, made out of (I think) chocolate of various colors. Seriously awesome. If somehow we get loads of money before next spring, she's promised me that if I go visit her for my birthday, she'll make me an awesome cake, too. Maybe she can teach me how to do it as she makes it. That'd be awesome. (That's assuming that I'll find a way to get out to New York in May, which is actually really dubious).
One last note, Mike and I will be in Utah from August 21st to the 24th (most likely, this is not completely set in stone yet). We will be available for hanging out probably easiest on the 23rd or 24th if advance plans are made (I want to spend most of my time hanging out with my family, but I would like to hang out with other people for an evening). If it doesn't happen, then it doesn't happen, but if you'd like to, I think it'd be fun to hang out. If nothing else, I'm really excited about visiting my family (and seeing my oldest sister and her family for the day that we'll be overlapping visiting there).