I have been feeling a lot of things lately that I have not been writing about. Part of me likes to think, it's none of your business. Part of me thinks that nobody wants to read about emo-me. Part of me wonders if it's really okay to write about some of the stuff I'd like to, or if it's too private and shouldn't be shared, open to anyone to read, on the internet. Part of me is convinced that if I don't publicly share some of these feelings, that I'll be able to stuff them away and forget about them after dealing with them by myself. Part of me is just scared of what will happen if I do write about it when I'm depressed or angsty, if it will trigger another downward spiral, if it will make people worry too much about me when I'm mostly fine, if it will simply make me think too much. But part of me finds it incredibly cathartic to write about very personal things in public, or at least, to my friends. And part of me is lonely and wants very much for other people, even semi-strangers, to know what's going on in my life, all the little bits of it, because if you know me and know what I'm up to and how I'm feeling and my problems and joys and everything, and still come back to read despite it all, then you must be a friend, or at least somebody who, like me, is rather interested by others' personal revelations.
I still haven't made up my mind whether or not to write about the jumble and mix of thoughts and feelings that's been plaguing me most mornings lately.
In the meantime, until I decide, I will share a few more details about our trip, if I can remember them. Acorn-versions.
We went to AX, I cosplayed, the first pair of shoes I wore gave me horrible blisters that still haven't healed all the way. I also got burned the first day on my arms, while I was wearing Sakura's elbow covers, resulting in very funny tan lines now. I got a blue Totoro hoodie that I absolutely positively love in every way, a kodama t-shirt that is very cute, and two tiny Totoro plush keychains (one white Totoro and one gray Totoro) which I also adore because of their incredible cuteness. I also acquired a Chinese parasol and a paper fan. I'm very satisified with all my purchases.
We went northward a bit from LongBeach and arrived in Alta Loma. It's a beautiful area, and I would not mind living somewhere amid those mountainous hills and trees, not really very far from the beach. I did not know that magnolias had such incredibly big flowers.
We went to Raging Waters. I felt kind of sick the whole day so didn't ride most of the slides. Went on a couple, had the most fun playing in the kiddie water-fort area, dumping buckets of water on unsuspecting passerby below and climbing through rope tunnels and getting water dumped on me as well. Best. Playground. Ever. Avoided sunburn.
Spent the fourth doing mostly nothing, traveled back down to Anaheim. Had my husband cut my hair to a cute chin length (not a bob though), after having announced our hair cutting intentions to my in-laws and hearing a proclamation of how my hair was so cute long and I shouldn't cut it, made me very incredibly satisfied when the cutting did in fact occur to a short and cute length (took me a bit to get used to it though, the cut's no good unless I style it a bit). Watched the Disneyland fireworks from the top of the RV.
Went to Huntington Beach, which I shall forever love. Overcast in the morning so a bit cool all day, but the water was nice. Went and bobbed over/dove under the waves for awhile. Built a sandcastle with Mike (complete with good wave breaking walls to combat the incoming tide), got my knees and the backs of my hands rather sunburned (the sand rubbed off my sunscreen I think), ate dinner on the beach around a firepit complete with fire while all bundled up in jeans and a hoodie to stay warm from the evenings' breezes and chills.
We went to California Adventure. I felt kind of dizzy and a little nauseous all day (not incredibly unusual for me the last few months) so didn't ride many of the rides. Got my m-i-l needlessly incredibly excited for a moment when I told her my symptoms and she thought I was finally pregnant (pretty sure I'm still not, haven't told her we're trying, she really really wants us to have babies as they're her most favorite thing in the world). Heard a stroller tire explode (who knew that stroller tires could be so loud?!). Spent most of the afternoon relaxing in the RV, nursing my sunburned knees while everybody else napped. Went to Mimi's Cafe for dinner, deliciously normal food (yay quiche!), went to Disneyland at night, lost (and got very upset about losing) at the Buzz Lightyear ride (I suck so very much at it), rode and really enjoyed the new Nemo submarine ride (very well done). Nemo subs were definitely worth the long line wait.
Rode home in the RV, very uncomfortable and kind of car sick most of the way, too hot all around, got home and vegged for the rest of the day.
So! Lovely brief summation of our trip. Skip the rest of the post if you don't want to read emo-tastic stuff (don't know how emo and angsty it will actually end up but I've decided to write at least a couple things down).
Point A: laundry. I have no clean clothes. I ought to get off my duff and do my laundry, but I am lazy and don't feel like it. Need to though, because the house smells funny and is very messy which brings me to Point B: need to take out the trash, do the dishes, put away our stuff from our trip, and just generally clean. The entire house smells vaguely of corn nuts, which smell I hate and despise more than any other, and it is driving me nuts. Not nuts enough to have cleaned yet, but probably I will have a cleaning frenzy soon to try and rid my lovely own house of the horrible nasty smell. Point C: funding, and the lack thereof. I am not quite sure how to go about buying lots of very cheap food that will sustain our bodies yet also be nutritious and tasty for the next couple of months until we have jobs again. I have not yet figured out how this food purchasing will work with the bill paying. Going to have to borrow moneys from relatives for rent, which is nice to be able to fall back on, but I always hate doing. Makes me feel very dependent and not at all like a grown-up person and I hate that feeling. Point D: I kind of feel sometimes like I'm treated as if I'm a highschooler who happens to not have to go to school and is married. I know I often act quite silly, like when I pretend to be a worm and squiggle through the space between my husband's arm and his belly, and I sometimes throw little obstinate fits rather similar to a small child's, yet nevertheless, I am in fact an adult and would like to be treated like one even if we aren't financially independent at the moment. Point E: I miss having girl friends. I am starting to act more like myself around our guy friends, but still feel a bit out of place. I miss college town atmosphere, going to places where there's lots of people my age. I miss having people I can watch chick flicks with while giggling and sighing and being silly and girly, or sit around reading manga with without mention of boredom or video games, or eat candy together and talk for hours about everything and nothing, or go window shopping with and admire the cute clothes of a variety of lifestyles, or talk about cooking things with. I want to move to Tempe, to little college city, and take classes and have a suburban student culture that I'm more comfortable with than the family and retired people culture where we're living now, yet at the same time I love our current house and don't want to leave just yet, things are so easy and convenient and the friends we've got live really close so hanging out is pretty easy. Point F: my garden all kind of died while we were on vacation. There's still some things that are alive, but I need to pull out and cut back a lot of plants so the few remaining ones can survive hopefully a few more weeks. It makes me sad. I love my garden, and wish it wasn't so very hot here that it kills plants really easily. Also, it's too hot to garden during the day. Point G: there's a million things I could continue with for Point G, but honestly, I think I'm done for now.