Tuesday, March 13, 2007

To think or not to think, it's not much of a question

So, all three of my grandparents are sick now. It's been added to the list of things I'm going to try not to think about (at least until I know more details about what's wrong).

Sometimes I wish I could return to my original college lifestyle. No job. Take interesting classes, do homework, study with friends, hang out with friends, be silly with friends. No worries about working. It'd be nice to go back to, except with fewer classes. There's always classes that I regret never having taken (photography, cooking, sewing, astronomy, etc). Someday I'll get a chance to take them all. Hopefully. Just a few at a time, though. I don't really like having loads of homework to do anymore than I like having to work. ;)

BodyWorlds was pretty cool. There were a ton of people there, so I didn't get to spend as much time looking at things and reading all the stuff on the walls as I would've liked. The circulatory exhibits were completely amazing. You, my friend, have an insanely huge number of blood vessels in you. Seeing an actual human heart was pretty cool, too. I wish I could have made my sculpture one look more like a real one. It looks pretty lame in comparison. The body is really incredibly amazing, all of its different parts. The advancements of science are pretty cool too. There was one body they had that had a bunch of artificial joints as well as plates and rods and screws holding bones together (I guess there was advanced osteoperosis and a lot of surgeries). It was neat to see them, there was just this silver metal in there, it looked really different than I thought artificial joints and bone supports would. The knee was especially interesting. A real knee has a bunch of small parts all hooked together. The artificial one was just a big mechanical joint. The fetus exhibit was amazing too. They're so incredibly tiny for so long, and then all of a sudden, they grow a lot and you can start to see itty bitty fingers and toes and bones and cool stuff. I guess I have a bit of my mother in me after all (she majored in zoology and is fascinated by bodies and surgeries and doesn't mind blood...I think bodies are really cool, but I get woozy if they're alive and bleeding).

I've also decided I want to go see the London Bridge sometime this week. What better week to go than this one when I have no work? It's about a three and a half hour drive away, so we'll probably take a day trip there one day this week, go walk across the bridge, play in the lake a bit, spend a couple hours there overall, and be home between 7 and 9. I'm looking forward to it.

There's a lot of other things I should do this week too, like continue looking for jobs, regrout the shower, clean our whole house, do all the laundry and dishes, etc, etc. Most of that I think will get done. It's hard to want to do much of it today though, I'm enjoying my relaxing time a lot. We went out for breakfast this morning at IHOP and it was pure deliciousness. Cinnamon raisin french toast with a cream cheese filling, topped with strawberries and strawberry sauce and whipped cream, with scrambled eggs, hash browns, and sausages on the side. Mmmmm. IHOP is really good. The restaurant was full of old people who I guess go out to breakfast together on a regular basis. Lots of retired couples and groups of older people and stuff. It was kind of cute. Our waiter was really good too, very energetic and lively. It's been a while since I've been really impressed by a waiter.

Someday I'm going to figure out either a) a job that I'm really good at and enjoy, or b) how to become really good at and enjoy my job. I feel sometimes like I need a life coach. Somebody who could look at my life and the things I like and don't like and am good at and am not and show me the perfect profession for me and how to be great at it, and teach me how to be motivated to take care of stuff at home at the same time and on and on. I guess that's what life itself is for, eh? Having at least a wealthy benefactor would be pretty nice, though. It's not like I need another degree or anything (though a degree in a different subject would make finding a job a lot easier), but being able to at least audit various fun classes would be nice.

Meh, this post is getting really long, and pretty pointless. It's the same old stuff as always. Well, at least the previous two paragraphs are. They're the little mice that run around endlessly in the maze in my head. I've been fighting the urge to buy a new t-shirt or pair of shoes (I don't need more of either, really). That splurging instinct is buried in there pretty well for various situations. Trying to quell it. I know it may not seem like it, but I really am trying to work on saving some money. The costs of grad school are really rather worrisome. I need some head cheese for my brain mice so they'll stop running around so much. I seem to have an inherent and irrational dislike of health care that is not provided through work. I don't ever want to actually use it. I think it's tied in to some personal pride issues that I need to work out.

I feel old and simultaneously young and inexperienced. I'm almost 24. Kind of weird. Probably won't be any different than 23. It's also weird to think that I've been married almost a year. Life is pretty normal, it's only weird when I start thinking about it a lot, really. Maybe I can blame it on an early quarter-century life crisis. Think I could get away with that? Probably not. It makes me laugh a bit though. I've decided that sometimes it's simply worth it to say stupidly silly things when they result in laughter. Up and down and all around. Swirling, swirling, ever turning, I could easily continue and turn that into a stupid cheesy cliche poem but I don't feel like it, yet I almost do.

The problem with nursery is germs.

I need some mulch for my plants, and a new hose. I wish the seeds would grow already.

I wish I was as cool as you. Not going to specify who, really. This person or that person or the other person. I admire you. It'd be neat if I could do as many cool things with my life as you've done so far.

I know, I know, all I need to do is try, right? And I've already done a bunch of cool stuff, right again? I shouldn't compare myself to others, eh? Simply put forth some effort and you can do the same things you have? The problem ultimately arises from how I see myself and my accomplishments and how to change my own perspective about life past, present, and future. Sometimes I just feel like writing it all down though, even though I can give myself all the proper responses, and know various methods of how to fix/overcome/etc the things I like to describe as problems/difficulties/conundrums/regrets/etc. I'm feeling apathetic, and that is my bane, but if I think about being apathetic it will only make things worse, and the only way to make things better, really, is to go start doing something. Maybe I'll go for a walk, sunshine and exercise are usually helpful. Hard work is important to my well-being, even if it's not work I enjoy, but if I tried a little harder, would I learn to enjoy it, or do I just give up too easily and move on? *sigh* Time to find some cheese for my brain mice to keep themselves occupied with so I can be productive.

Congratulations if you've made it to the end.

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