Friday, March 30, 2007

Good day, bad day

On the bad days, the days where other adults make it obvious that they think I have absolutely no control over the classroom and am not doing a good job at doing my job, I come home and all I want to do is cry. And eat. I generally haven't eaten anything on the bad days until dinner, which just makes things worse.

On the good days, I not only don't go to work, but didn't go to work the day before either, which means I've already gotten my lazing about out of the way, and can be incredibly productive, and do all my laundry, and the dishes, and water the plants, and finish sewing my quilt blocks all together, and eat several times, and go 'golfing' for the first time in my life (technically just hitting balls at the driving range, not really golfing), and though all of that really was just what I did on Wednesday, it was a really good day. Yesterday was pretty good too, I went to work and didn't have to do much and the kids were great and ran the choir classes by themselves and I came home and bought a bunch of socks from http://sockdreams.com and we went shopping and I got a pair of socks for my Hitomi cosplay and a pair of baseball stirrups in the wrong color so I can figure out how to make them for my Princess Nine cosplay, and I got two pairs of pants and a belt for under $20 at Anchor Blue (cute pants that I can wear to work no less), and we went to Best Buy and Mike got an iPod in exchange for his Palm that broke again.

So, anyway, today was one of the bad days, but I guess I got three good days this week, so that evens it out, right? Hopefully tomorrow and Sunday will also be good days. With General Conference I'm betting they will be.

I still really wish I could get a different job.

Monday, March 26, 2007

and thus the garden grows

Well, it's been awhile since I posted, I guess. Mike is still sick, so we haven't done a ton of stuff, but we did go to the London Bridge over spring break, which was pretty neat, though it was really weird seeing it surrounded by palm trees and beach and spring break party-goers and 100 degree weather. Mike coughed a lot and I got heat exhaustion I think. I also got lots of pictures. I will have to upload and post some good ones sometime. The water, despite the very hot air, was very cold.

My garden is growing pretty well now. Lots of my seeds I planted have sprouted. We'll see if they stay alive or not. Two of the pansies I planted died, I need to rip them out (the day we went to Lake Havasu and the London Bridge we did not water, and it killed them). Everything else is doing alright, except for the seeds that I think simply will not be growing for me, which was most of the herbs. Maybe I can buy some pots and plant them inside.

I got a new harddrive for my computer. I need to install it soon.

I substituted high school library for two days last week, which was pretty nice (though there were some frustrating things about it). It made me want to look for jobs at the local libraries. Unfortunately, I discovered this morning that the local libraries, other than their professional librarians that have Master's Degrees in Library Science, are run almost completely by volunteers, so there goes that idea for employment. I substituted kindergarten today, and while I thought it went alright overall, the teacher's aides and the principal seemed to think that it didn't go well at all, so I doubt I'll get to go back to that school. We'll see, I guess.

My grandma (that has lung cancer) had the lower lobe of her left lung removed. She's in rehab now, and waiting to hear whether or not they got all the cancer. That's pretty much all my mom told me about that. Here I thought it was inoperable, but I guess I was wrong. In the meantime, my dad got an infected ulcer on his eyeball, and has had to apply antibiotics to it every half an hour in order to try and heal it so he doesn't end up going blind in that eye. It's working alright. Here's hoping he gets all better.

We have a lovely Arizona license plate on our car now.

They switched my calling, so I'm not in nursery with Mike anymore. Now I am in the CTR-8 class because they apparently need two people in there since there's an autistic boy in there who has a really hard time at church. I spent two hours with him on Sunday and I must say, it will be a very patience-trying calling. Nursery was infinitely easier. I've never dealt with autistic kids before, and while he's a very smart, nice boy, he's very hard to deal with. I'd much rather still be in nursery, I was just getting to be friends with all the kids in there and was having fun making crafts for them and planning the lessons and getting to be with Mike for all three hours of church each week. I don't really understand why they moved me, specifically, but I'll go with the flow for now and see what happens.

Allergy season has officially arrived. I am tired. I am also back to my old habit of not eating very often. I need to fix that. And a lot of other stuff, like our shower that needs new grout, my bad habit of ripping my nails, the sink that doesn't drain properly, my general grumpiness for silly reasons like hunger and fatigue, the leaky patio closet, my non-existant laundry habit, etc, etc, etc. There will always be more things to fix. I just wish I didn't have to worry about the hard ones, like sticking with things that I really don't like doing, until later in life, but I guess it's good practice for being a mom and all that. It would still be nice if I could get a different job. At least I have a job, eh? Trying to be optimistic is not really working, it's just making me feel apathetic.

I want to go to New York.

We finally watched Casino Royale the other night. It was pretty good. I haven't really seen enough Bond movies to really compare it to very much.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The week of holidays

This week is spring break, so we get to stay home from work all week, which is the cause of great rejoicing, and is especially good because my dear husband has been horribly sick with a nasty cold thing and shouldn't be going to work anyway right now and I will probably get at least reasonably sick before the week is over.

Today, it is Pi Day. 3.14 and in honor of it we had turnovers, because the pies were several dollars more expensive and the apple turnovers looked pretty good and they're more like pie than say, donuts.

Tomorrow, it is the Ides of March. I would like to make a greek dish to celebrate, but will probably just end up making a strata, which is good anyway so it doesn't really matter. Maybe I'll make a toga and surprise Mike with it. Et tu, Brutus? How will you celebrate?

On Saturday is St. Patrick's Day. I will most definitely be wearing green. Hopefully I will be able to find some green food coloring so I can at least do some green milk for celebration. They had green bagels at the store today, and their green-sprinkled cookies are all on display. Their Patty's Day display is not nearly as large though as their aisles of stuffed bunnies and fake eggs and chickens and things for Easter. Which reminds me, the egg came first.

So, everybody should party this week! Hooray!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

To think or not to think, it's not much of a question

So, all three of my grandparents are sick now. It's been added to the list of things I'm going to try not to think about (at least until I know more details about what's wrong).

Sometimes I wish I could return to my original college lifestyle. No job. Take interesting classes, do homework, study with friends, hang out with friends, be silly with friends. No worries about working. It'd be nice to go back to, except with fewer classes. There's always classes that I regret never having taken (photography, cooking, sewing, astronomy, etc). Someday I'll get a chance to take them all. Hopefully. Just a few at a time, though. I don't really like having loads of homework to do anymore than I like having to work. ;)

BodyWorlds was pretty cool. There were a ton of people there, so I didn't get to spend as much time looking at things and reading all the stuff on the walls as I would've liked. The circulatory exhibits were completely amazing. You, my friend, have an insanely huge number of blood vessels in you. Seeing an actual human heart was pretty cool, too. I wish I could have made my sculpture one look more like a real one. It looks pretty lame in comparison. The body is really incredibly amazing, all of its different parts. The advancements of science are pretty cool too. There was one body they had that had a bunch of artificial joints as well as plates and rods and screws holding bones together (I guess there was advanced osteoperosis and a lot of surgeries). It was neat to see them, there was just this silver metal in there, it looked really different than I thought artificial joints and bone supports would. The knee was especially interesting. A real knee has a bunch of small parts all hooked together. The artificial one was just a big mechanical joint. The fetus exhibit was amazing too. They're so incredibly tiny for so long, and then all of a sudden, they grow a lot and you can start to see itty bitty fingers and toes and bones and cool stuff. I guess I have a bit of my mother in me after all (she majored in zoology and is fascinated by bodies and surgeries and doesn't mind blood...I think bodies are really cool, but I get woozy if they're alive and bleeding).

I've also decided I want to go see the London Bridge sometime this week. What better week to go than this one when I have no work? It's about a three and a half hour drive away, so we'll probably take a day trip there one day this week, go walk across the bridge, play in the lake a bit, spend a couple hours there overall, and be home between 7 and 9. I'm looking forward to it.

There's a lot of other things I should do this week too, like continue looking for jobs, regrout the shower, clean our whole house, do all the laundry and dishes, etc, etc. Most of that I think will get done. It's hard to want to do much of it today though, I'm enjoying my relaxing time a lot. We went out for breakfast this morning at IHOP and it was pure deliciousness. Cinnamon raisin french toast with a cream cheese filling, topped with strawberries and strawberry sauce and whipped cream, with scrambled eggs, hash browns, and sausages on the side. Mmmmm. IHOP is really good. The restaurant was full of old people who I guess go out to breakfast together on a regular basis. Lots of retired couples and groups of older people and stuff. It was kind of cute. Our waiter was really good too, very energetic and lively. It's been a while since I've been really impressed by a waiter.

Someday I'm going to figure out either a) a job that I'm really good at and enjoy, or b) how to become really good at and enjoy my job. I feel sometimes like I need a life coach. Somebody who could look at my life and the things I like and don't like and am good at and am not and show me the perfect profession for me and how to be great at it, and teach me how to be motivated to take care of stuff at home at the same time and on and on. I guess that's what life itself is for, eh? Having at least a wealthy benefactor would be pretty nice, though. It's not like I need another degree or anything (though a degree in a different subject would make finding a job a lot easier), but being able to at least audit various fun classes would be nice.

Meh, this post is getting really long, and pretty pointless. It's the same old stuff as always. Well, at least the previous two paragraphs are. They're the little mice that run around endlessly in the maze in my head. I've been fighting the urge to buy a new t-shirt or pair of shoes (I don't need more of either, really). That splurging instinct is buried in there pretty well for various situations. Trying to quell it. I know it may not seem like it, but I really am trying to work on saving some money. The costs of grad school are really rather worrisome. I need some head cheese for my brain mice so they'll stop running around so much. I seem to have an inherent and irrational dislike of health care that is not provided through work. I don't ever want to actually use it. I think it's tied in to some personal pride issues that I need to work out.

I feel old and simultaneously young and inexperienced. I'm almost 24. Kind of weird. Probably won't be any different than 23. It's also weird to think that I've been married almost a year. Life is pretty normal, it's only weird when I start thinking about it a lot, really. Maybe I can blame it on an early quarter-century life crisis. Think I could get away with that? Probably not. It makes me laugh a bit though. I've decided that sometimes it's simply worth it to say stupidly silly things when they result in laughter. Up and down and all around. Swirling, swirling, ever turning, I could easily continue and turn that into a stupid cheesy cliche poem but I don't feel like it, yet I almost do.

The problem with nursery is germs.

I need some mulch for my plants, and a new hose. I wish the seeds would grow already.

I wish I was as cool as you. Not going to specify who, really. This person or that person or the other person. I admire you. It'd be neat if I could do as many cool things with my life as you've done so far.

I know, I know, all I need to do is try, right? And I've already done a bunch of cool stuff, right again? I shouldn't compare myself to others, eh? Simply put forth some effort and you can do the same things you have? The problem ultimately arises from how I see myself and my accomplishments and how to change my own perspective about life past, present, and future. Sometimes I just feel like writing it all down though, even though I can give myself all the proper responses, and know various methods of how to fix/overcome/etc the things I like to describe as problems/difficulties/conundrums/regrets/etc. I'm feeling apathetic, and that is my bane, but if I think about being apathetic it will only make things worse, and the only way to make things better, really, is to go start doing something. Maybe I'll go for a walk, sunshine and exercise are usually helpful. Hard work is important to my well-being, even if it's not work I enjoy, but if I tried a little harder, would I learn to enjoy it, or do I just give up too easily and move on? *sigh* Time to find some cheese for my brain mice to keep themselves occupied with so I can be productive.

Congratulations if you've made it to the end.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Got to be too busy for thinking

So, I've decided that there's some things (like just how long I'm going to need to keep on working for) that I'm simply going to try not to think about, because they're getting me down.

I only ended up working on Friday this week, didn't get any calls for the rest of the week. I got lots of stuff done, picked up some job applications (which took some guts to ask for), filled them out (I'm going to turn them in today hopefully), cleaned and organized our bedroom (I have a proper hamper now, some drawers for my undies and stuff, and light so we can actually see properly when we're in our room), cleaned the bathroom a bit (and got a bunch of stuff to properly clean them finally, after which I can repair the grout in our shower), pulled loads of grass out of our garden area (and discovered an ant hill which I tried to drown) and got it all ready to plant stuff in it today, read the archives of three or four webcomics (short ones, mostly, and I highly recommend Gunnerkrigg Court, it's great), finished watching Fruits Basket with Mike, got my quilt top cut apart and rearranged all ready to be sewn back together for the last time, and a bunch of other stuff got done too. It was good. Makes me wish I could stay home and be productive all the time! Which I'm not going to think about.

So, today is gardening day. I, of course, managed to choose the abnormally warm weekend for all my spring planting needs (it's supposed to be in the low 90's today). It was also very warm on Thursday when I was pulling the weeds, and I drank a ton of water, which I guess is good for me, but it was kind of weird because I don't normally drink nearly that much, but I was so dang thirsty afterwards that I just guzzled it (and my tummy didn't complain at all like it normally does when I drink that much). I'll have to take a water bottle out with me today. I'm planning on planting some vegetables (maybe some onions, tomatoes, leeks would be cool but I don't think they'll grow here, maybe some spinach though it might be too late to plant that), some herbs (basil, rosemary, and some of those other herbs that recipes always call for using fresh and I never have any...the rosemary at least should grow great), and some flowers ('cause they're pretty, and if I plant marigolds it'll help keep the icky plant-eating buggies out of my garden). I also need to board up the hole under our patio wall under which the neighbor cat likes to crawl. I don't want it to eat my plants, or poop in my garden. So, that's what I'd like to get all planted today. We'll see how much I can actually afford to get when I go to the store today.

Next week is spring break. No teaching! We're going to see Body Worlds on Monday, which will be cool. The rest of the week, who knows, I put on my two applications that I'm available to work as of Tuesday. I'll probably just end up with lots of time to relax and hang out and do stuff around the house, which would be nice. Getting a new job would be nice too, though.

I substituted first grade yesterday, which was not too bad, actually. The kids listened to me less and less the closer it got to going home, which isn't all that surprising. The school mascot at the school I was at is a dragon (of the oriental variety) so that was pretty cool. I don't know why an elementary school needs a mascot, really, but whatever, at least they have a cool one.

Time to get busy so I don't think about any of those depressing things that I don't want to waste my day thinking about.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Get everybody and their stuff together...

Nursery yesterday went well. The lesson (which was very short) was about water. I told them some things we use water for (with pictures), that Heavenly Father made water, and I had them color a picture of some raindrops and an ocean with a fish and a shell in it. All the pictures were drawn by me in the hour before church and thus were not fabulous, but they got the idea across. Eight of the nine kids in the class were there, along with several moms for the first half of class or so, and the nursery singing-time leader for about half an hour. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a nursery singing-time leader, but apparently there is, and she gets to do all the songs with the kids, which makes me a little sad as that is one of the funnest parts of nursery (and the kids love it). I made up for it by singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider with them after she'd left. I even made props for it during Sacrament Meeting, which was pretty fun. I had some cardstock in my bag, so I drew and cut-out a spider, a water-pipe, an oval that had raindrops on it, a cloud, a sun, and some pieces of paper to attach them all together. So, the spider had a loop on it's back, so he could climb the rainspout towards the cloud. Then the raindrops came down from behind the cloud and knocked the spider off the rainspout. Finally the sun came out and made the raindrops disappear back under the cloud, and the spider got back on the rainspout and climbed all the way up to the bottom of the cloud. I thought it was pretty clever, personally, and the kids all liked it. They also liked doing the hand-motions (we did the song several times during class).

The mother of one of the girls that wasn't there last week warned me when she dropped her off that she likes to pull hair, and indeed she did. She pulled little tiny handfuls of hair out of one of the other girls' head at least four separate times during class, which not only made the other little girl cry, but also completely ruined her cute pigtails. I don't know what her parents thought when they came to pick her up, with her hair a wreck and her face all red from crying repeatedly. I think the kids are slowly getting used to us and will eventually let their parents go to their classes without sobbing. We need to make use of marshmallows as treats. That should help there be considerably less crying and considerably more cooperation.

We may have a third nursery leader to help out next week, which could be very nice. Nine kids between the ages of 1 1/2 and 3 are hard to handle, especially when one of us has to go out of the room to take one of them to the bathroom.

I'm taking the day off from work today. I decided that, for as long as I'm substituting, I get one day off a week of my choice (but I have to decide at the beginning of the week which day it will be). On that day, I have to spend at least a bit of time looking for a new job, work on some housework, and be at least semi-productive while Mike's gone. Today I've spent most of the day so far reviewing how my sewing machine works, and started sewing things together for my quilt. I have three squares all done (out of 16). Once all the squares have their pieces assembled, then I get to cut them all in quarters, mix them up, reassemble them, sew them back into sixteen squares, and then sew those squares together into the quilt top. It's kind of a lot of work. My mom made one of these all in one day, I don't know how she did it all so fast. I'll have to post a picture once I'm done with it. I've been thinking it'd be cool to work at one of the local fabric/crafts stores. I need to drive by at least one of them later to see if they're hiring, or have applications.

I've been listening to Cowboy Bebop music for the last few hours, and it's been making me feel melancholy. I should probably take a break from it and listen to something else to cheer myself back up.

Plans for this Saturday: plant a garden!