Monday, October 23, 2006

Please do not ever use 11th-grade slang in your English papers

I am behind on Life. It just keeps building up. Lately, I have been going to work, and partway through the afternoon, I'll be sitting there at my desk working, and will suddenly want to cry. I am to the point of having to convince myself almost every day WHY I ought to go to class, what the point is. I try to take the weekends off to relax and enjoy myself and spend time with Veng, but then I don't get any of the housework done. I'm still not done writing thank-you notes from the wedding. My sister's birthday present isn't done yet, and it's already 2 months late. I have a huge list of things I'd like to do in my spare-time, but I have no spare-time to do them in. I feel sick pretty regularly (colds, funny joint problems, headaches), and my depression is coming back very sneakily (those two things are correlated, sparked in part, I'm sure, by stress).

So, how am I dealing with all this? I'm not taking classes next semester, for starters. I need my evenings back, darn it. I am enjoying what I am learning in class, true, but it is stressing me out way too much, plus it costs a lot. So, art degree = postponed. As for the rest of it? I'm doing a crappy job of dealing. My cards are all over the floor, and instead of picking them up and re-stacking them and handing them out properly to whoever needs them at the moment, I keep trying to ignore them until the last second, then pick up a couple and toss them in the air in hopes that the people who need them will grab them. I think that's a pretty good analogy (I always enjoy coming up with a good analogy...helping my little sister re-write her Hamlet essay yesterday has been bringing out many of my English-major tendencies again).

My bed is so tempting. It would be nice to go lay in it all day, and sleep, and just forget life for awhile. The only problem with that is, I am incapable of sleeping the entire day. That was one aspect of depression that never invaded my life. I can't do it, even when I want to. I get antsy, and bored, and am entirely awake, and so get out of bed and use the computer as my retreat instead...until I get antsy, and bored, and need to move to something else. Anyway, I'm taking the day off work today, because I've got a stupid cold again and feel like crap, and there's a crapload of stuff I need to do--homework, dishes, grocery shopping, laundry, homework, thank-you notes, present-making, homework, and some other random shopping. And I need to sleep a little longer, because I feel like crap. So, back to bed I go for probably an hour, then AWAY! into the realms of crazy at-home-sick productivity.

I just hope I can make it through the rest of this semester without a complete breakdown. No time for that right now.

1 comment:

Katria said...

I could and have slept all day. It's a bad habbit of mine when my depression levels get worse. Hope you are able to pull out of it soon!