Thursday, February 02, 2006

Too much information, maybe?

Bwhaaaa. I give in. Updates to my blogger blog now too. Why, you ask? Honestly, it's mostly due to being bored at work. It also may have something to do with the fact that my fiance is currently using blogger (for his grand total of one post so far).

I have to turn off my computers at work in an hour, for a test by the electricity company. Which means I will have no choice but to go home (despite my earlier plans of staying late). Now, why on earth, you may ask, would I want to stay late at work? Mainly because I want my 40 hours for the week in order to get the promised amount of money that accompanies that many hours because I'm getting married in May and want to be able to afford to go to the dentist, in addition to affording school and housing. So why would that mean I would have to stay late today? Because I woke up this morning, tried to walk to the kitchen, gave up, turned around, and walked back to my room. I then was convinced to go take a shower. I felt no better, despite my mother's promise to the contrary, after my hot shower was finished, and when I told her, while wearing my bathrobe with my towel turban on my head, that I was thinking of calling in to work and telling them I'd only be coming in for the afternoon, and she proceeded to berate me and I went back to my room on the verge of crying, I decided I definitely was not fit for going in to work without a couple more hours of sleep. So I slept. And woke up at 10:30 feeling much, much better. It hasn't lasted, but it was nice for awhile. Stupid colds.

The subject of my mother's berating was an interesting one. Mainly, she told me I should suck it up and go to work anyways. (My brain was working poorly enough at the time that I could not point out to her that I was *going* to go to work anyways, just not for a few hours, though I did manage to point out that I went to work yesterday anyways, despite my cold, and I really thought I needed more rest to make up for that today.) She pointed out that, when I'm a mother, I will have to get up and take care of my family no matter how sick I may be feeling (once again, I could not think well enough to point out the obvious benefits of taking care of my family even when sick, as compared to the largely lacking benefits of going to work when I can't concentrate on anything). She came in my room about an hour later to apologize, when she proceeded to tell me approximately the same things. It's an odd form of apology, at best, but it's the thought that counts, yes? She also told me that we have an unfortunate genetic predisposition in my family that results in us only feeling well about 50% of the time, mostly due to respiratory problems (allergies, asthma, bronchitis, nasty colds, etc, tend to afflict my family more often than not, it seems). She reminded me of her theory that, unless you're throwing up (and sometimes even if you are throwing up), or have an extremely high fever, you should go do whatever it is that you normally do anyways. She told me she has watched my aunt go the opposite route, and withdraw from life whenever she doesn't feel well, and how miserable my aunt is as a result.

Personally, I've always thought I'd like to settle for a nice middle ground (and I do, since I started living on my own). I wake up in the morning, and I generally don't feel well. I get ready for the day. After getting ready, I assess how sick I'm still feeling. Usually, it's not sick enough to stay at home. If I find myself either violently ill, or in enough pain that I know I would not be able to accomplish anything at work or class, I stay home. Sometimes I know that a few hours of extra sleep will do me marvelous amounts of good, so I take advantage of that and let my body heal itself for awhile without stress, and go late (like today).

It will be nice when I am married and never have to live at home ever again, and can assess my state of wellness and make my own decisions about what I'm capable of doing that day without the chastisement of my parents or younger sister (my younger brother is quite good about not chastising me).

I feel slightly more grown-up than normal today. I made an appointment for the first time ever to go be fitted for alterations for my wedding dress. And I made an appointment, also for the first time ever, to go see a gynecologist. Technically, I'll be seeing a Nurse Practitioner. I am slightly nervous about that, having never been before, but I am less nervous than I might otherwise be, since I'll be going to a Women's Health Clinic, where they only have female doctors and nurses. It still seems like a very grown-up thing to be doing though.

Four and a half full days of not seeing my fiance seems like ages longer than four and a half full days of not seeing any of my friends. We need to go on more dates. We also need more time together to plan wedding things so I don't explode from stress. I have no idea when either of us are going to have time to do either of those things though, as I have about 8 hours of homework to do this weekend, and most likely about 5 every weekend here on out, combined with working normally 40-hour weeks, taking 6 credit hours of classes, singing lessons, and travel time between here and Provo, not to mention Sundays being off-limits for things that require time together out shopping for things. Veng has an equivalent, if not greater, amount of things he's doing. Being at the 3-month mark is much more stressful than being at the 4-month mark was. For some strange reason, when we had four months before getting married, I felt fine taking things at a leisurely pace. There would be plenty of time to get everything done. Now there's three months left, and I have no idea when I'm going to get anything else done. Wedding guest invitation list, invitation shopping, invitation addressing, invitation mailing, fabric shopping, bridesmaids' skirt sewing, shirt shopping, tux shopping, flower shopping, deciding what I want the cake to look like, registering, figuring out what the heck to do for decorations, figuring out what food to have at the reception, where to have the wedding dinner, what shades exactly of pink and green I'm going to be using, where on earth we're going to live, how we're going to pay for everything, and if I'll have enough money left to please go see the dentist and the allergist so my teeth can stop hurting and I can maybe get some help breathing normally again. Oh yes, I need to get contacts again sometime soon and start wearing them again. And try out my Crest Whitening Strips. And go in for another check-up with the dermatologist, just to make sure everything's alright and there's still no recurrence of mutated moles. And buy a veil, figure out jewelry, find somebody to do my hair, find somebody else to do my makeup (I'm incapable of doing either for myself), and figure out this whole crazy job issue.


Thinking happier thoughts, in three months I'll get to join the club for Cool Married People, which pretty much exists solely in my head, where all the Cool Married People I know are categorized. I will also get to see Michael every morning and every evening, which, stereotypical though it may be, will make me feel much more secure in life. And someday, I swear I'll find time to exercise multiple times a week, sew lots of Cool Clothes like Moero does, write once-again-interesting blog entries, peruse the library at my leisure and bring books home to devour, try that whole cooking thing again, hang out with my fellow friends and cool people every once in a while, and just maybe, every once in a while, have time to rent a movie full of pretty pictures, or finally finish playing all those video games I've bought over the last couple of years. Oh, plus having time to paint, and sculpt, and maybe even draw sometimes (I'm actually starting to enjoy drawing, yay for my drawing class). And program webpages, and learn CSS finally, and make cool icons and backgrounds in PhotoShop, and make some AMVs, and finally manage to make my own song remixes that I've always wanted to do, and Who am I Kidding? It will be a marvel if I find time to clean the house once I've got kids.

At any rate...

I suspect I'll be very busy once I retire. (And by 'retire' I mean, realistically, once Mike retires, or once our kids move out of the house, since I sincerely hope that I will not have to work once I'm a mom, though who knows, I may have to, in which case I really don't know how I'd find time for anything, but I really shouldn't worry about that for quite a long while, since I'm not really planning on having kids right right away, which is why I made that doctor's appointment today, though it's really not entirely up to me, now is it?

I write a lot more run-on sentences when I don't feel well.

Time to go home and sleep some more.

My apologies to everybody who has caught my cold from me. And to whoever I caught it from, curse you! Not really, but I am somewhat saddened knowing that colds last from 10-14 days and peanut butter didn't exist before Carver.


I'm done for today.
The computers are all off.
Except for this one.

Bad, bad haiku. Time for bed. Stay awake to drive home first. I'm not even on any cold medicine.

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