Tuesday, February 28, 2006

No cancer.


But I do have to have surgery.


But it'll only leave me with like, a 3/4 inch scar, and it should just pop out easy, it's right under the skin, so it should be a pretty easy surgery.

It's called a fibroid adanoma or something like that.

I did not go to work today. I was sorely tempted to spend lots of money on stuffs (like this awesome red leather steam-punk cropped jacket with buckles and zippers and it was quite cool). But I did not. I did find an awesome vintage clothes shop though.

Drawing class went well. It gave me an intriguing idea for sculptures.

Monday, February 27, 2006


There are good days and there are bad days. I think this is true for everyone. Sometimes the good days only last for an hour or two. For some people, the bad days rarely come. But it remains a fact that everyone has both good days and bad days.

For the past couple years, I have had recurring dreams about being back in high school (yet still being my same current age) and being all stressed out because I realize, partway through the semester, that I have not been attending all my classes. Sometimes the reason for not attending is that I lost my syllabus and did not remember that I was taking a math class, and a chemistry class, and an English class, in addition to my other classes. Sometimes the reason for this is that once I have a syllabus, I cannot find the classrooms until well into the class periods. I am always left with the sinking sensation, in these dreams, that I am, without a doubt, going to fail those classes because I have not attended them for half a semester.

More recently, I have been having dreams about losing my purse. I will be wandering around somewhere, usually trying to find something or somebody, and I will set my purse down without realizing it, and then will spend the rest of the dream wandering around trying to figure out where on earth I put it, as it's an important thing to have, since it contains my wallet and my keys. I am never very stressed out in these lost-purse dreams, I am never worried about it getting stolen, I am just trying to find it, for hours and hours.

Last night, I had a combination of these two recurring dreams. I was at the UofU campus (but it looked nothing like the actual campus, of course, and it had various elements of BYU buildings in it) in a building, with a piece of paper that had a classroom number on it that I had to find so I could start going to the class, which I ought to have been attending for weeks. I could not find it. I asked somebody for help, and they did not know where the classroom was. I wandered around some more. I saw lots of students. One girl was carrying a cat around. There were planters, with flowers, in the courtyard area between two connected buildings. Below the courtyard, on the floor beneath, there was a salad bar cafeteria. I wandered all over. At a certain point in my wandering, trying to find the class, I noticed I no longer had my purse. I set out to find it, trying to remember all the paths I had taken in my wandering. I enlisted a teacher's help but they did not know where I had been, so eventually they wandered off to talk to another teacher. I did not find my purse, nor did I find the classroom. I was unable to get to where I wanted to be, in part because something important to me had been lost.

When I was little, I used to daydream about what it would be like if I lost my sight, my hearing, or my sense of touch. I wondered what it would be like to have diabetes, or cancer. I tried to picture my head bald. I decided I would rather have cancer than lose my ability to see, or hear, the world around me. I did not know anybody who had cancer. My knowledge of it was limited to the romanticized heroized characters in books that had faced the disease with dignity, and had overcome it in the end. I had no fear of it.

When I was seventeen years old, my mom decided I ought to go to the dermatologist, because I had several moles, and skin cancer runs in my family, and my dad had recently had several of his moles removed. We went. Most of me was fine. There was a questionable-looking mole behind my ear. The dermatologist sliced it off for a biopsy. The results came back. It was a basal-cell carcinoma, a type of skin cancer that does not spread to other parts of the body, that does not expand in width, but that grows down, down, through layers of skin and flesh, and is always malignant. They scheduled a time for me to come in for an in-office surgery to remove it. They gave me a shot of local anesthetic and had me lie down on my side. They taped blue papers to my skin around the surgery area. The papers reminded me of the bibs at the dentists' office. They began cutting, and snipping, and sewing. The noises of the instruments against each other and against my skin reverberated through my skull into my ear canal, and everything was amplified, and I was horrified that I could hear them cutting through my flesh. My mother watched the whole thing with great interest. She loves bones and teeth, and blood does not bother her. They finished sewing me up. I came back in several times so they could give me cortisone shots to make the scar smaller. They advised me to come in every six moths for a couple years to check for other instances of carcinomas. After that, they told me, I could limit my visits to once a year. The dermatologist told me he was surprised to see skin cancer in somebody as young as me. He wondered how I had managed to get enough sun exposure to cause cancer in such an odd area.

I did not tell him, but I did not blame my skin cancer on the sunshine. True, I may have forgotten to put sunscreen on behind my ears for most of my life. But the real reason the mole had turned cancerous, in my mind, was because I had picked at it. It had gotten dry one day (my skin is usually quite dry, and so this rough feel it had did not seem unusual to me). I picked at it, not knowing it was a mole, just trying to get rid of the dry skin. It bled. I stopped. It scabbed. The whole thing felt like a scab. I picked at it more. It bled a little more. It re-scabbed. I looked at it. I realized there was a mole there. I did not pick at it any more. The mole became scaley and misshapen. When I found out they had become cancerous, I determined in my head that after I had picked at it the first time, the cells had been trying to grow to heal the wound. I had interrupted their growth by picking at them again. They did not know, as a result of the interruption, when to stop growing, and thus they had turned into cancer. In my head, it was my own bad habits that caused my body to afflict me with disease, but it was not a huge deal, as the cancer was removed, and did not recur, and all that I was left with was a hardly noticeable scar, and an annual phone call from the dermatologist reminding me to make another appointment. I had mostly forgotten any trauma as a result of the whole incident.

I went in to the Women's Health Clinic last week fearful of the expected discomfort of a pap smear, embarrassed about the prospect of being totally and completely naked in front of another person, even if it was a woman, expecting to learn about skin stretching and birth control. I was not prepared for the breast examination. I was even less prepared to learn that I had a lump, that the nurse's fingers were skilled and she was almost certainly certain that it was just a weird random lump of the sort that many women get for no reason, but that I ought to schedule an ultrasound just to make sure that it is not cancer. I scheduled the ultrasound, a procedure I was not expecting to go through until the happy occasion of finding out a future baby's gender. I go into the hospital tomorrow, in the late morning, taking a few hours off of work. I am not allowed to wear deodorant. They will either tell me the results right there, or wait two days and then call me. The word cancer echoes around in my head, along with threats of thyroid problems and irregular pap results, but above it all, the word cancer bounces back and forth, larger and larger. I am not as naive as I was when I was a child. The couple that I used to do occasional weeding for lost a daughter a few years ago to breast cancer. Then the mother was informed that she, too, had breast cancer, and had to have them removed. Their other daughter has now been told by doctors that she has a 100% chance of developing the disease. I do not blame myself for the lump this time. There is nothing I can blame it on, and therefore I am unable to dismiss it as something that has a cause, and a solution, and is not, realistically, much of anything to worry about. I am terrified that the miniscule chance that it is not a random, unimportant lump, will become a reality, that I will have to schedule another biopsy appointment, that the part of my body which I am the most self-conscious about will become scarred and blemished by something that I have absolutely no control over. I reassure myself. There is nothing to worry about. The nurse was almost certainly certain that it is nothing to worry about. The ultrasound is just precautionary, better safe than sorry, they will undoubtedly tell me that I am fine, and I can go about my normal life once again.

I appreciate all of your well-wishes. I am doing fine. There are good days and there are bad days, just like normal. My life contines. I go to work, I go to class, I go to church. I am tempted, I give in, I fall, I struggle to stand again, to face my challenges, to climb above them, to live my life with dignity. The terror of the unknown will be removed tomorrow with facts, and I will be left again with a stressful job, with homework that I have procrastinated, and with looming wedding plans that have to be accomplished soon in order for everything to fall properly into place. I am planning in my head a variety of possible vacations with Mike this summer, our first family vacations. I buy myself cute hats, and black and green pirate shoes. I am pleased with the progress I have made towards my life-goals. I am not afraid of the possibility of death, I know I will not die until I have lived a full and accomplished life; there are many things I have left to do before death will reach me. I am simply left with calm dreams in which I take my time trying to find something that is missing, something that I have lost, something that I will find, eventually, once I wake up.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

I am very tired today. The results of my doctor's appointment this morning: a whole lot of stress and anxiety, they think I might have thyroid problems, they're surprised I'm not anemic, I have to go have an ultrasound to make sure I don't have cancer on Tuesday, I now own things to cause myself discomfort with for the ultimate purpose of being comfortable, I paid $80 for prescriptions, the pills I get to take will probably make me nauseous but on the reverse side my cramps should go away but they may make my asthma worse so I should go get an inhaler, I am sore in all sorts of weird places, and the nurse thought I had a scandinavian accent.

I am very tired today.

Too many big things to worry about. Too many little things to worry about. Too much work to worry about. Too much school to worry about. Too many wedding plans to worry about. I didn't even feel like reading webcomics today.

Really, I just want to go to sleep for awhile.

I am sorry that I cannot fix your problems. I am sorry that I have not congratulated you on your happinesses and accomplishments. I am happy for you that you are doing well at a few things, or many things. I am sad that you are having a hard time. I have many responses to many people, but I am sorry, because I am tired, and selfish, and inconsiderate, and so will not be actually commenting my comments to most of you, because really I just want to sleep for awhile. I do not want to clean my room. I do not want to go sing. I am venting, I suppose. I will survive. I hope you all survive as well.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Chips, crisps, and lunching

Doritos aren't as good as they used to be. I don't know if this is simply because I've finally, ultimately, grown up, or if they honestly just don't taste as good anymore. I'm inclined to think it's the latter, as I still love Cheetos. They must've slightly changed their ratios of cheeses and spices. It's really the only feasible explanation.

While I am lunching on various foodstuffs, I shall briefly discuss my drawing class last night. Ready? Here we go. We started shading. I practiced drawing Van Gogh during the teacher's explanation of how shading works. Then I drew a cube, and shaded it, just like the slide our teacher showed us. Then I drew a cone, and shaded it, just like another part of that same slide. Our teacher went around and looked at everybody's drawings. He picked mine up and showed it to the class, because he liked my cone, because it had lots of contrast. Then we started drawing a really complicated object which I get to shade for homework for the next couple of weeks. The End.

I shall now return you to your regularly scheduled lunch-hour food discussion. I do not like raisins, unless they are contained in bread. The reason for this has never been properly ascertained, other than that I really just haven't ever liked raisins. Veng was eating Raisin Bran the other day, and stated that he wished the raisins would reconstitute themselves into grapes. He then immediately rescinded his statement, clarifying that really, he thought grapes in cereal would be gross. I like grapes. I do not, on the other hand, like prunes, though I do like plums. I don't like dried bananas very much either. I love dried coconut and dried pineapple and other dried tropical fruits though. I do not like dates. They have a weird texture. It is not nearly as bad, however, as the texture of red bean paste. That otherwise-tasty concoction makes me gag due to its horrid texture. It might be good in ice cream.

I am almost never in the mood for bananas at lunchtime. Bananas are a breakfast food, unless they're on a peanut-butter sandwich. (Is peanut-butter supposed to be hyphenated?) Or in banana bread. Or in banana cream pie. Or in banana curry chicken.

I ate M&Ms for breakfast this morning. Shame on me.

The time has arrived for the channel to change, and for me to go forth and read webcomics.

Au'revoir, friends, and may you have good eatings.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Hooray for coupon-saving aunts!

It was a good weekend. I did absolutely no homework. I managed to be reasonably productive anyways, though. Feel free to skip the next few paragraphs if you aren't interested in wedding-planning-related blabberings.

Invitations: I fixed the invitation design, added and formatted the wording, printed off a version to discover my parents' printer was out of most of its ink, purchased blank invitations/envelopes/enclosure cards from eXpedX (on sale, that day only), replaced the ink in my parents' printer, printed off a sample invitation on some cardstock, got advice on it from several people, fixed a couple more things, and they're looking good.

Bridesmaids' skirts: Found a Simplicity pattern (the skirt on the left) at JoAnn's which I purchased with a coupon from my aunt for $4 off. I also learned about putting horsehair ribbon stuff in hems to make the skirt flow out without having to make a tulle underskirt, so purchased some of that (with more coupons). Went to Hancock Fabrics and found that they were having a sale on Simplicity patterns (99 cents each). Purchased two (different sizes) of the one I had already purchased, then returned it to JoAnn's ($6 extra dollars to spend on something else, yay). Trekked over to a different JoAnn's, where I found some lovely pink satin, which I purchased using a 50% off coupon (from Roberts', which JoAnn's accepts, hooray) that my aunt gave me. Also purchased zippers, thread, pins, eyes, and hooks. Overall price per long formal skirt when everything's divided up? $16. I love my aunt, and I love my aunt's coupons. Hopefully I'll be able to sew the skirts without too much trouble now. I need measurements, and then I can get started on cutting and pinning.

Non-wedding-related weekend accomplishments:

Chose border fabric for the double-wedding-ring quilt my mother is making for Vengance and me (okay, that one is wedding related...sorry. I promise the rest aren't.)

Purchased a second microphone for Karaoke Revolution Party, and a copy of Katamari Damacy. Sang almost every single song in the karaoke game, unlocked most of the unlockable things, and watched Veng get a solid 2/3 of the way through Katamari. Got my cousins to play Karaoke Revolution Party as well. The minigames are hilarious.

Vengance got to go sledding while I was fabric shopping.

We watched Pride and Prejudice at the dollar theater. It was the first chick flick I have ever watched in a theater with Veng. We both liked it quite a lot.

I taught my first lesson in Relief Society. It went alright. I was very nervous.

I ate banana pancakes for the first time. Veng and I sang Jack Johnson's Banana Pancakes song to each other while eating.

I got my Bluetooth Earpiece set up to use with my phone, so now I can talk to Veng every night hands free. I feel like such a techie geek.

Overall, it was a very good long weekend. It made me fervently wish that every weekend was an extra day long, as I'm sure I would get much more done.

Friday, February 17, 2006


So it's really quite interesting seeing the adjectives other people would use to describe me. It was likewise interesting to fill them out for other people. I found that the Johari was generally easy to do. The Nohari was much harder, especially since it *makes* you pick at least 5, and so on several peoples, I picked an adjective that I didn't really agree applied to them simply because I had to pick one more. Very frustrating. I don't agree with some of the adjectives people picked to describe me, but I can understand, I guess, why they picked them.

More nightmares recently. If they weren't both very, very personal, I would share them, as the first, in particular, was full of amazingly rich images.

My painting portfolio review on Monday went quite well. My teacher had a lot of suggestions for improvement on all of my paintings, but he said overall he likes my work, thinks I'm doing well in the class, and appreciates my work ethic. I think perhaps my good work ethic in class is to make up for my poor work ethic at work. I'm particularly pleased with how my two most recent color paintings have turned out. I'm supposed to paint a tube of toothpaste for my homework this weekend. I don't remember what my drawing homework is. I probably ought to email my teacher about that.

After work today I'm going to have a lovely evening of doing nothing in-particular (i.e. shopping and movie watching) with Veng. Tomorrow, fabric and pattern shopping, finishing the invitations, and homework. Not the most interesting of weekends, but I think it will provide a nice break.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Mysterious phone calls

If you have called me, or know someone who has called me, in the past few days, I would love to know who it was that called. I apologise for not answering last night, I was talking with Veng and wasn't sure what the beeping was (never used call waiting before) until you had already hung up. I somehow don't seem to have you programmed into my phone. I feel quite contrite. I am sorry.

And the reverse

Nohari Window

Once again, responses (and honesty) are appreciated, as is (this time) anonymity (unless you really, really want me to know what *you* think about me).

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Might as well

Johari Window for me

Clickety-click, all responses about me are welcome, anonymous or not. You know, whatever. Honesty is, of course, appreciated.

Happy February 15th

It was a pretty good Valentine's Day yesterday. I dressed up in pink and red, with my Geek LVR tank top under my pink button-up shirt, multiple heart bracelets, my silver hearts belt, and my pink scarf. So I felt all pretty all day, which is always a pleasant feeling. I was not feeling well, so I did not go to work. Instead, I went fabric shopping. I think I found the fabric I would like to use for the bridesmaids' skirts. Lovely shades of pink and green. Now I need to find a pattern so I can go purchase the fabric and get started sewing. My problems with buying a pattern currently are due mainly to inexperience and a lack of knowledge.

Pattern questions:
a) What brand of pattern should I get? Are there any that are both affordable and easy to follow and turn out well?
b) I figure A-line is good for skirts for pretty much everybody. I want the skirts to actually flare out a bit at the bottom though, rather than just hanging down in drapes and folds due to the weight of the satin. So I figure the skirts need some tulle under them. Should I look for a pattern that includes tulle in it?
c) If I can't find a pattern that has tulle in it, I figure I can make slips with tulle to go with the skirts. Where should the tulle start in its ruffly layers on the slip so that it doesn't poof the skirt weird? I'm assuming I should sandwich it between the lining of the skirt and a lining for the slip, since tulle isn't exactly comfortable against the skin, and can look really weird directly against a top fabric of a skirt, causing odd bunching.
d) Should I just look for a pattern for a poofy tulled slip?
e) Tea-length or long?
f) Pink or green or some of each? (Not some of each within the same skirt, though I wouldn't mind doing pink ribbon accents on the green skirts or vice versa or some such thing, but rather, some pink skirts and some green skirts).

And a not-skirt-related question:
Where's a good place to buy multiple sizes of cool black shirts that look nice and fit several different body types?

After my reasonably successful fabric shopping adventure, I drove to Provo, where I had a wonderful lunch with some wonderful ladies that included flowers and candies and bracelets and many hours of talking.

By that point, I noticed that in one short hour, Veng would be off of work. He was not expecting to see me in Provo. So, of course, I decided to surprise him. One hour later, after reading a volume of WJuliet at Borders, I managed to get him to tell me where he worked and met him there (1 minute away from Borders), got a super-special tour, then we went and meandered about in Borders for 45 minutes until I had to leave for class. It was a good Valentine's Day surprise. I got him the Kenshin OAV which he's been wanting for years while we were there, which was also a good Valentine's Day present.

Then I went to class. Our teacher let us out early, which was good, because I was feeling decidedly worse health-wise by that point, so I went home, ate dinner, called Veng, and then promptly went to bed.

I still don't feel good this morning but I came to work anyways, can't not go to work everytime I'm feeling sick afterall, or I'd only work 60% of the year. That would be nice...

In other news, I'm currently missing the presence of a poet, lyricist, gamer, psychologist, tech support person, philosopher, skiier, gangsta, techie, hat-eater, good kisser, comforter, singer, bluetooth user, fajita chef, dancer, astronomer, hearty laugher, good babysitter, review writer, magician, scuba diver, Vans owner, sword fighter, anime fan, Dungeon Master, deep sleeper, PhotoShop teacher, off-roader, fashion consultant, mouth breather, art appreciater, photographer, cheese lover, snowball maker, cliff jumper, spelunker, good aimer, tire squealer, best friend. Love you, love.

Monday, February 13, 2006

It was a long weekend

First off, results of the invitation contest:
2 people entered. 1 person gets candy (or something else cool) and the other person doesn't get anything because it was me. I won, but only barely, as HCFrog gave me a good run for my money. I still have some tweaking to do on the colors and things, and I need to get the wording figured out completely, after which Veng is going to pick a font and arrange the text and things. I would like to post up a copy of the invitation (w/o words) up here for people to see, but I'm not sure how legal that would be, as to create it I took photographs of two pieces of art in my room which I acquired in China and then manipulated the images in PhotoShop. So technically I'm using somebody else's artwork. Without permission. But I'm leaving the artist's mark on the invitation. In the end, I have no idea as to issues of legality when it comes to art acquired in China.

On Friday, I got home late from work (darn rush hour traffic) to find Veng waiting at my house for me, so I rushed and changed and we left. Veng presented me with various presents throughout the night (for Valentine's Day) including roses, and 3 bracelets (all very cute). We went to a talent show put on by the psychology department (including some outstanding performances by various psychology professors and students, and a rare sighting of a prior teacher/club-advisor (sci-fi/fantasy/horror lit for the class, sci-fi/fantasy club) playing the electric guitar very well in a very good jazz band). Then we went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant. We both had the buffet, which amazingly included fresh sushi and Mongolian Barbecue, as well as standard buffet food. It was fabulous. I got to see sushi being made, which was fun. They got a big tip due to the great service and food, and we decided we'd like to have our wedding dinner there. After that, we watched the Daft Punk anime music movie, which was entertaining, then parted our ways for the night, as I went and slept over at 308.

Saturday morning, DigiDestinedBabe was kind enough to let me use some of her drawing supplies to do my drawing homework. Veng came over for breakfast, to which DDB also donated some delicious doughnuts. We stopped briefly by the "Anime Fighting Games Iron Gamer Tournament" to see Kratza, then headed up to Salt Lake. I read the rest of Veng's psychology book (Love's Executioner, by Dr. Yalom, very interesting read). We went out to eat at Cafe Madrid, which has fabulous (albeit very expensive) food. Best duck I've ever eaten, and the flan was completely delicious. We split an entire meal, which ended up being just the right amount of food for the two of us. We came back to my house, watched a bit of a Pink Panther movie on TV, then went to sleep.

Sunday morning, I was awoken by a terrifying nightmare. It was bizarre and horribly frightening all at the same time. I woke Veng up a little early (he was sleeping on the couch) to tell him about it. Telling him about it, and trying to figure it out a bit, took quite a bit longer than expected, so we ended up being late to church. Church went well, like always, after which we came home and ate some lunch, then started on homework. I attempted to paint a 12-can box of Country Time Lemonade. It turned out horribly. We had dinner, ran off to a singing practice, after which I broke down crying a couple times (mostly due to being tired), came back to my house, and worked on homework some more. I tried to paint a bite-sized Snickers. It looks nothing like chocolate. Probably because it's in black and white, and I didn't do very good. I much prefer painting in color. Veng and I then proceeded to decide on an invitation, after which he went back home, and I went to bed.

Woke up early this morning to do another painting. I painted my keys and keychains. It turned out quite well, not perfect, but pretty good, and I'm pleased with it. I was late to work because of it though. Cleaning brushes is a lot easier when you've got good scrubbing soap that has gritty stuff in it that gets the paint out. After work today I get to go to class, where I'll be subjected to my first-ever review of my current "portfolio" (a.k.a. all my assignments for my painting class thus far). It'll be interesting to see what my teacher has to say about everything. I don't expect him to have anything good to say about the two black-and-white paintings I did yesterday, but I'm hoping the rest will get positive responses.

Overall a good weekend, got lots done, but I'm really tired, not nearly enough sleep was acquired. Maybe I'll be able to remedy that next weekend.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Design Kirsa's Invitation Contest! See below for rules. And by below, I mean the bottom of the post.

New avatar time. What to use though? I'll find one eventually, undoubtedly. Maybe I'll draw one during lunch or something.

Whoever tried to call me last night (I'm not sure who it was, I don't have your number programmed into my phone yet), I'm very sorry I didn't pick up. I was in the middle of washing off my paintbrushes after class, and my hands were both very wet and very painty. I finally got them clean enough to pick up right after you hung up. I tried calling you back about ten minutes later, but you didn't answer. Anyways, my sincerest apologies.

I'm so glad I don't have class again tonight. Too tired for it.

TRAX was ridiculously crowded this morning. There were a bunch of what looked suspiciously like high school kids on it. I'm not sure why they were riding, or where they were going. Lots of people (myself included) had to stand. I haven't ever seen it that crowded before at that time of day.

I had delicious citrus halibut, wild and brown rice pilaf, and yams for dinner last night. Sooo good. I ate way too much. I definitely need the recipes for those.

So tired. If I wasn't at work, I'd take a nap.

Have to remember to turn in my MMR dates to the U. And other stuff.

When's spring break? I neeeeed it. BYU should have a spring break too. And work should have a spring break. Then I could have a nice solid uninterrupted week to accomplish wedding planning. Get the invitations, get the guest list done, buy fabric, find a veil and shoes, go flower shopping, pick how I want the cake to look, figure out decorations, you know, stuff like that. Get a ton of stuff done all in a week and then not have to worry about it anymore. That'd be great. Then I could have a month and a half of relaxing sleep not having to stress all the time about not having done this or that yet. Apartment shopping, can't forget that one.

How does anybody have time to do laundry?!

In other news, today is pretty good, other than being sleepy. No class tonight, such an exciting thought. Only 4 assignments to do this weekend (blah). Drawing homework shouldn't be too bad. Painting homework, 3 assignments at 3 hours a piece, plus finishing up / making better paintings we did in class to prepare for the review of our 'portfolios' by our teacher next week. Plus two dates. I refuse to go on less than two dates this weekend. Plus I'd really like to see some of my friends, if possible, on Saturday. Let's see, how am I going to pull this off?

Scheduling: (I don't really like it when my blog becomes me to-do list, but it's very helpful for me, as boring as it may be for everybody else)

Today: work through lunch, leave work at 4:30, go to an Invitations place and try to get samples, go home, eat dinner, go to voice lesson, go home, call Mike, go to bed.
Tomorrow: get to work early maybe? maybe not possible. Work through lunch maybe? Go to Provo for date with Mike. Sleep over with friends.
Saturday: See more friends, do drawing homework. Come back up to Salt Lake. Do a painting assignment. Go on a date with Mike. Do another painting assignment.
Sunday: church. Come home, do third painting assignment. Dinner and choir practice with Mike. Fix up paintings. Pick an invitation with Mike. Even if 'picking an invitation' means throwing something together in PhotoShop.

Anybody have any grand invitation design ideas? I want something kind of modern, yet elegant. (Note, this means no embossed shiney white flowers) Something that will go well with a landscape engagement picture (it's not a landscape as in trees and grass and junk although it does have trees and grass in it, it's a portrait, by which I mean a picture of people, obviously...print format here, print format = landscape, not portrait. Who came up with such confusing terms? The picture is horizontally oriented) that has blues and golden yellows in it. Something that does not make people think our wedding colors are blues and golden yellows (they are in fact, pink and green, and I would love to incorporate some green into the invitation somehow). And something that I can print off for relatively cheap. Okay, all you artsy people, design away! If you get your design to me by Saturday night, I may very well decide to use it for our invitations, and then you can be the lucky winner! I'll even pay you for it, if I use it. At least $20. Quite possibly a decent amount more, depending on how much printing and envelopes and postage cost. Any takers? Anybody? Anybody? Beuhler?

Wednesday, February 08, 2006






Okay, so I made that last one up. Doesn't it sound cool though? Yeah. Okay. Anyways.

Being a comment-questing fiend, I realize I have done very poorly at commenting on everyone else's blogs. I will attempt to remedy this once again. The big problem is, the only time I have time to read blogs is while I'm at work, which I'm not supposed to do unless I'm on my lunch break, and my lunchbreak is only half an hour long which is generally barely enough time to cram all my webcomic reading and blog reading and forum reading into, let alone responding to anything. So, my apologies. I'll work on it.

Haven't done anything on the wedding list yet. Haven't done my homework yet. Get home every night, way tired, go lie in bed and call Mike and randomly talk for half an hour or an hour then go to sleep. Need to work on lots of stuff.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Moneys and facial similarities

Man, I haven't splurged on anything (for myself or other people) for about a whole month now. Seems kind of weird. I was sorely tempted to pick up Adobe CS2 today with my UofU student discount (which makes it $400 instead of $1200) but I resisted because technically I don't *need* it for anything. It'd just be way fun to play with. And I haven't bought a second DDR pad, or a second karaoke mic, or any DS games, or any PS or PS2 games, or any music online or on CD, or any clothes. All of which is probably good.

I did that online facial recognition thing where you upload a picture and it compares your facial features to a database of approximately 2,000 celebrities and then tells you which ones you look most like. Kind of interesting. I thought it particularly interesting that, with most of the results it gave me, there was only one picture of that celebrity that really looked much like the picture I uploaded. At any rate, the results are in, and I supposedly look like:

Ninet Tayeb (64% similarity) - an Israeli pop singer who is a few months younger than I am
Zhang Ziyi (64% similarity) - a Chinese actress
Sophie Marceau (62% similarity) - a French actress
Condoleezza Rice (59% similarity) - politician
Beyonce Knowles (58% similarity) - founding member of Destiny's Child
Eva Braun (58% similarity) - Hitler's long-time companion and short-time wife
Liza Minelli (55% similarity) - Judy Garland's daughter

All the rest were below 50% so I didn't bother writing them down. Interesting list though.

Monday, February 06, 2006

To clarify

I am trying out updating Blogger as well for a couple weeks only. If some new people comment on my blog there, then hooray, great, if not, then I'll stop updating it. I certainly don't expect anyone that already comments on my blog in LJ or Xanga to suddenly switch to commenting on Blogger instead. And updating both LJ and Xanga has made it so a couple more people who's posts I enjoy reading and commenting on are able to likewise comment on my posts. So I'm not likely to stop updating those two at once anytime soon.

Meme time.

Four jobs I’ve had

1. Publications Lab Tutor
2. Custodian (bathroom cleaning)
3. Cashier/clerk/cook at Cosmo's
4. Blackbox Software Tester

Four movies I can watch over and over

1. Millenium Actress
2. Howl's Moving Castle
3. um...
4. I'm sure there's some others, can't think of any right now...

Four places I have lived

1. San Juan, Puerto Rico
2. Miami, Florida
3. Summitt, New Jersey
4. Salt Lake City, Utah

Four TV shows I love
...huh...I don't really watch TV, weird family rules, so I'll list some anime TV shows I like.

1. Battle Athletes
2. Princess Nine
3. Haibane Renmei
4. Serial Experiments Lain

Four places I’ve vacationed

1. China
2. Seattle
3. the greater Los Angeles area
4. Mesa

Four of my favorite dishes

1. Flan
2. Lemonade
3. Mike's pineapple chicken fajitas
4. Pretty much anything interesting, flavorful, or that contains chicken or fish with veggies

Four sites I visit daily

1. Blogs (any and all, many different sites, I know, but there's too many to list)
2. Gmail
3. Webcomics (see parenthetical statement about blogs)
4. quarksff.org

Four places I would rather be right now

1. With Mike
2. At home with a good book and nothing pressing to do
3. In Provo hanging out with my friends
4. Travelling someplace warm

Four people I am tagging

1. Everybody
2. That
4. Memes

It'sa gonna be a long week again. Project of the week: wedding list and invitations. Oh, and homework. And not leaving work early.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Napoleon is a pastry. Ceasar is a salad. Get some while you're able.

Those are the only three lines I heard (the last three) of a jazz song on the radio tonight on my way home from my voice lesson (I was listening to FM 90.1 if you must know, and if you mustn't know, then it's entirely too late for that, isn't it?). I thought they were interesting, thus this post.

Did I mention travelling and scuba diving in my previous list of things I will eventually have time for, ideally? Why can't somebody just pay me to do some of my hobbies, eh? Then I might have time for all of them.

Too much information, maybe?

Bwhaaaa. I give in. Updates to my blogger blog now too. Why, you ask? Honestly, it's mostly due to being bored at work. It also may have something to do with the fact that my fiance is currently using blogger (for his grand total of one post so far).

I have to turn off my computers at work in an hour, for a test by the electricity company. Which means I will have no choice but to go home (despite my earlier plans of staying late). Now, why on earth, you may ask, would I want to stay late at work? Mainly because I want my 40 hours for the week in order to get the promised amount of money that accompanies that many hours because I'm getting married in May and want to be able to afford to go to the dentist, in addition to affording school and housing. So why would that mean I would have to stay late today? Because I woke up this morning, tried to walk to the kitchen, gave up, turned around, and walked back to my room. I then was convinced to go take a shower. I felt no better, despite my mother's promise to the contrary, after my hot shower was finished, and when I told her, while wearing my bathrobe with my towel turban on my head, that I was thinking of calling in to work and telling them I'd only be coming in for the afternoon, and she proceeded to berate me and I went back to my room on the verge of crying, I decided I definitely was not fit for going in to work without a couple more hours of sleep. So I slept. And woke up at 10:30 feeling much, much better. It hasn't lasted, but it was nice for awhile. Stupid colds.

The subject of my mother's berating was an interesting one. Mainly, she told me I should suck it up and go to work anyways. (My brain was working poorly enough at the time that I could not point out to her that I was *going* to go to work anyways, just not for a few hours, though I did manage to point out that I went to work yesterday anyways, despite my cold, and I really thought I needed more rest to make up for that today.) She pointed out that, when I'm a mother, I will have to get up and take care of my family no matter how sick I may be feeling (once again, I could not think well enough to point out the obvious benefits of taking care of my family even when sick, as compared to the largely lacking benefits of going to work when I can't concentrate on anything). She came in my room about an hour later to apologize, when she proceeded to tell me approximately the same things. It's an odd form of apology, at best, but it's the thought that counts, yes? She also told me that we have an unfortunate genetic predisposition in my family that results in us only feeling well about 50% of the time, mostly due to respiratory problems (allergies, asthma, bronchitis, nasty colds, etc, tend to afflict my family more often than not, it seems). She reminded me of her theory that, unless you're throwing up (and sometimes even if you are throwing up), or have an extremely high fever, you should go do whatever it is that you normally do anyways. She told me she has watched my aunt go the opposite route, and withdraw from life whenever she doesn't feel well, and how miserable my aunt is as a result.

Personally, I've always thought I'd like to settle for a nice middle ground (and I do, since I started living on my own). I wake up in the morning, and I generally don't feel well. I get ready for the day. After getting ready, I assess how sick I'm still feeling. Usually, it's not sick enough to stay at home. If I find myself either violently ill, or in enough pain that I know I would not be able to accomplish anything at work or class, I stay home. Sometimes I know that a few hours of extra sleep will do me marvelous amounts of good, so I take advantage of that and let my body heal itself for awhile without stress, and go late (like today).

It will be nice when I am married and never have to live at home ever again, and can assess my state of wellness and make my own decisions about what I'm capable of doing that day without the chastisement of my parents or younger sister (my younger brother is quite good about not chastising me).

I feel slightly more grown-up than normal today. I made an appointment for the first time ever to go be fitted for alterations for my wedding dress. And I made an appointment, also for the first time ever, to go see a gynecologist. Technically, I'll be seeing a Nurse Practitioner. I am slightly nervous about that, having never been before, but I am less nervous than I might otherwise be, since I'll be going to a Women's Health Clinic, where they only have female doctors and nurses. It still seems like a very grown-up thing to be doing though.

Four and a half full days of not seeing my fiance seems like ages longer than four and a half full days of not seeing any of my friends. We need to go on more dates. We also need more time together to plan wedding things so I don't explode from stress. I have no idea when either of us are going to have time to do either of those things though, as I have about 8 hours of homework to do this weekend, and most likely about 5 every weekend here on out, combined with working normally 40-hour weeks, taking 6 credit hours of classes, singing lessons, and travel time between here and Provo, not to mention Sundays being off-limits for things that require time together out shopping for things. Veng has an equivalent, if not greater, amount of things he's doing. Being at the 3-month mark is much more stressful than being at the 4-month mark was. For some strange reason, when we had four months before getting married, I felt fine taking things at a leisurely pace. There would be plenty of time to get everything done. Now there's three months left, and I have no idea when I'm going to get anything else done. Wedding guest invitation list, invitation shopping, invitation addressing, invitation mailing, fabric shopping, bridesmaids' skirt sewing, shirt shopping, tux shopping, flower shopping, deciding what I want the cake to look like, registering, figuring out what the heck to do for decorations, figuring out what food to have at the reception, where to have the wedding dinner, what shades exactly of pink and green I'm going to be using, where on earth we're going to live, how we're going to pay for everything, and if I'll have enough money left to please go see the dentist and the allergist so my teeth can stop hurting and I can maybe get some help breathing normally again. Oh yes, I need to get contacts again sometime soon and start wearing them again. And try out my Crest Whitening Strips. And go in for another check-up with the dermatologist, just to make sure everything's alright and there's still no recurrence of mutated moles. And buy a veil, figure out jewelry, find somebody to do my hair, find somebody else to do my makeup (I'm incapable of doing either for myself), and figure out this whole crazy job issue.


Thinking happier thoughts, in three months I'll get to join the club for Cool Married People, which pretty much exists solely in my head, where all the Cool Married People I know are categorized. I will also get to see Michael every morning and every evening, which, stereotypical though it may be, will make me feel much more secure in life. And someday, I swear I'll find time to exercise multiple times a week, sew lots of Cool Clothes like Moero does, write once-again-interesting blog entries, peruse the library at my leisure and bring books home to devour, try that whole cooking thing again, hang out with my fellow friends and cool people every once in a while, and just maybe, every once in a while, have time to rent a movie full of pretty pictures, or finally finish playing all those video games I've bought over the last couple of years. Oh, plus having time to paint, and sculpt, and maybe even draw sometimes (I'm actually starting to enjoy drawing, yay for my drawing class). And program webpages, and learn CSS finally, and make cool icons and backgrounds in PhotoShop, and make some AMVs, and finally manage to make my own song remixes that I've always wanted to do, and Who am I Kidding? It will be a marvel if I find time to clean the house once I've got kids.

At any rate...

I suspect I'll be very busy once I retire. (And by 'retire' I mean, realistically, once Mike retires, or once our kids move out of the house, since I sincerely hope that I will not have to work once I'm a mom, though who knows, I may have to, in which case I really don't know how I'd find time for anything, but I really shouldn't worry about that for quite a long while, since I'm not really planning on having kids right right away, which is why I made that doctor's appointment today, though it's really not entirely up to me, now is it?

I write a lot more run-on sentences when I don't feel well.

Time to go home and sleep some more.

My apologies to everybody who has caught my cold from me. And to whoever I caught it from, curse you! Not really, but I am somewhat saddened knowing that colds last from 10-14 days and peanut butter didn't exist before Carver.


I'm done for today.
The computers are all off.
Except for this one.

Bad, bad haiku. Time for bed. Stay awake to drive home first. I'm not even on any cold medicine.